Total pages in book: 167
Estimated words: 164838 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 824(@200wpm)___ 659(@250wpm)___ 549(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 164838 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 824(@200wpm)___ 659(@250wpm)___ 549(@300wpm)
I blushed, confessing this to the very man I’d spied on, doing my best to keep talking about him in the third person. “That was the first time he ever exposed himself in full view of the window. He showed me exactly what I’ve been wanting all these years. I think I must’ve gasped or done something to give myself away, and…Milton retaliated.”
I trembled as the phantom pain around my throat returned. The kicks and the punches, the slurs and the curses. “He tossed me around like a lump of meat that night. He would’ve taken my life if it hadn’t been for Jim, but…the biggest secret beneath all of that horror is…Zander wasn’t my trigger. My feelings for him were.”
“Sailor, stop. You don’t need to—”
“I do. And you need to listen.”
He slouched in the chair, his eyes infinitely sad.
Sucking in a breath, I continued, “All this time, I placed the blame on Zander. I willingly let blindness keep me from understanding that I was partly at fault even though what Milton did was inexcusable. But then you came into my life. A faceless, nameless guardian who held my hand through the panic attacks and hugged me through the terror, and somehow, you made me come alive again. However, what you don’t know is…you also made me become someone else. The night you bruised me and commanded me to kneel was—”
“Wrong—”
“The best damn night of my life.” I balled my hands on the table. “You showed me that I’ve been lying to myself all this time. I might want my sweet neighbour, but the one thing holding me back from attempting a relationship with him was…I don’t want sweet in the bedroom. I want what you gave me. Primal and passionate and so full of emotion that the bruises you left behind were talismans of connection, not abuse. Milton left me with scars but you…you left me with memories I will never forget, which brings me to my second secret.”
X rubbed his eyes with a groan. “I can’t handle hearing another one. I know I said I’d always be there to hear whatever you wanted to tell me, but, Sailor, I can’t hear this. I can’t because I’m not the man you think I am, and—”
“It will be your turn to confess soon enough. Let me finish.”
His eyes flashed the wrong colour, but finally, he nodded. “Go ahead.”
Arching my chin, I said, “I’m in love with both of you. I love Zander, and I love you. My heart has been torn in two over this, and it’s made me feel like a terrible person, but now I know how I can fix it.”
“How?” he asked helplessly.
Tapping my throat, I smiled. “Sorry, confessing is thirsty work. I’ll just grab a glass of water. Be right back.” I stood and Peng trotted over the table from where he’d been lounging beside the ice-cream tub, chilling his tiny tummy and getting his fur all frosty.
Grabbing him, I moved him to the floor. He wouldn’t appreciate this next bit.
While I went to the cupboard and grabbed my mixing bowl, X burrowed his masked face into his hands and slouched.
He didn’t see me fill the bowl to the brim.
Didn’t even look at me while I pretended to slake my thirst.
He still had his head bowed by the time I carried the bowl of water toward him, staying behind him the entire time.
My arms trembled beneath the weight as I whispered, “You know, after a lifetime of being scolded by my nana and raised with the same marriage promise that I have, you should know not to mess with a Rose, Z.”
And then, I dumped the entire bowl of water over his head.
* 54 *
Zander
Unravelling by Water
ICE, WET, COLD, FREEZING.
I shot to my feet, spluttering and coughing.
Water went everywhere, quickly switching from clear to black.
No.
Fuck.
It soaked into my mask, making it hard to breathe. It ran under the collar of my t-shirt and dripped off the ends of my hair. In the reflection of the windows, I watched in horror as the blue-black box dye quickly rinsed back to North-condemning red.
Spinning around, I faced Sailor as she placed the bowl back on the counter with a smirk.
Black droplets continued to drip off my eyelashes and down my face, but I couldn’t think, couldn’t focus. I fixated on a single letter. One tiny uncommonly used letter and my heart threatened to burst in all directions.
“What did you just call me?”
Her smirk dropped.
She stalked into me.
I backpedalled until I crashed against the table. Without a word, she reached up and ran her fingers through my dripping hair.
Her hand came away black.
“Why?” I breathed. “Why are you doing this?”
Biting her bottom lip, she reached up with her black-streaked hand and gathered the material by my chin.
Her eyebrows rose.
I almost passed out.