Total pages in book: 167
Estimated words: 164838 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 824(@200wpm)___ 659(@250wpm)___ 549(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 164838 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 824(@200wpm)___ 659(@250wpm)___ 549(@300wpm)
Not to X or to Zander.
I’d drafted so many texts to her, coming up with the quickest, surest way to make her hate X and cut him out of her life completely, but each time I wrote something—each time I typed lines like: ‘I’m sorry’, ‘forgive me’, ‘this is the only way’, ‘I didn’t mean to hurt you’—I hated myself a little more.
“How about you think a little more on this and—”
“No, I’m sure.” I wedged my palms on my thighs. “I’d like to be transferred. I’m happy to consider any hospital you recommend. I’m even open to overseas.”
“Well, okay then.” The director of recruitment nodded. His greying hair was slightly balding on top. “It will take me a few months to put out the necessary feelers and find someone to replace you.”
“That’s fine.” Standing, I headed toward the door.
“Hey, Dr North?”
I turned and forced a smile. “Yes?”
“Why the sudden decision to move? Forgive me but I thought you were born and bred here? I don’t mind admitting that due to your young age but already impressive record, I’ve already earmarked you for taking over as medical director one day.”
I nodded politely. “Thank you for your trust in me, Dr Parker, but things change.”
“They do indeed.” Shuffling some paperwork, he nodded with a sad smile. “In that case, I guess I’ll be in touch.”
“Thanks.”
Slipping out of his office, I headed back downstairs to the staffroom where I had ten minutes before checking on a patient.
I checked my phone for the millionth time, hoping, wishing, fearing a message from Sailor.
But nothing.
I didn’t have the courage to send that final text from X ending things.
And I couldn’t survive the pain of messaging her as Zander, knowing what she’d done with X.
I couldn’t be mad at her for sleeping with another man who wasn’t me.
She had slept with me.
But she’d also shown that I didn’t mean as much to her as X did, and now, I had nothing left.
* 51 *
Sailor
Cupcake Confessions
“SO…ARE YOU READY FOR ME TO tell you all my secrets because I’m only saying this once and only once and then I have a plan to put into action but I didn’t want to put it into action until I’d spoken to you because I need your advice and I’ve been thinking about this non-stop for eight awful days and it’s doing my head in until I can’t see straight anymore and so yeah…only saying this once.”
“Whoa, jeez Louise, did you breathe at all in that terrible run-on sentence?” Lily grinned. “No more coffee for you.” Taking away my empty cappuccino cup, she shoved another tiny vanilla cupcake onto my plate instead.
My first outing to a local café, and it was to the one closest to Lily’s real estate office. I’d driven here by myself, parked in an alley, walked down a crowded street, and waited for her in a bustling restaurant with no problem whatsoever.
Goblin-Milton never said a peep.
I didn’t jump or flinch or freak out if someone looked at me or got too close.
I was back to myself.
And I only had Zander to blame.
“If I’d known you wanted to spill the beans when you called me this morning, I would’ve chosen a quieter place.”
I shook my head, fiddling with my napkin. “This is perfect. I can blurt it out, suffer your scorn, and then go. At least you can’t berate me for hours.”
“Uh-oh, what’s going on?”
“Oh, you know…nothing much. I just had the best sex of my life with a man who I didn’t know his name and just found out he’s been lying to me this entire time, but for some reason, I can’t stay mad, and now…now, I’m seriously considering running after him.”
Lily dropped her cupcake. Icing down. White frosting splashed her pale pink suit. “Okay…you cannot just dump that on a girl.”
I passed her my dogeared napkin. She took it and scrubbed her blazer. “Start from the top, Sails. Don’t leave anything out.”
I kept my eyes locked on the table and tried to figure out how best to say this.
I’d gone over every detail of X and Zander and Zander and X and ugh. I couldn’t keep torturing myself this way. I’d made a thousand lists. Made a million excuses. Tried my best to cling to my righteous anger all while I saw it from his point of view.
I played devil’s advocate late at night when I couldn’t sleep. I became the bad guy needing someone to save me, only to be rescued by the boy next door who’d put his own morals and sanity on the line.
He’d put me first.
He’d given me an outlet, a safety net.
He became my protector and guardian and…God.
Who was I kidding?
I wasn’t mad.
How could I be mad when my wish had come true?
Hadn’t I wished that Zander and X were the same person, all so my heart wasn’t torn in two? Hadn’t I been drawn to both? Confused and hurting to be attracted to two men when I was always hardwired to be loyal to just one?