Series: Fever Falls Series by Riley Hart
Total pages in book: 96
Estimated words: 92704 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 464(@200wpm)___ 371(@250wpm)___ 309(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92704 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 464(@200wpm)___ 371(@250wpm)___ 309(@300wpm)
As I entered and turned to him, he had this sad expression on his face…looking the way I felt. I couldn’t make this right, or fix it, but I wanted to.
I lurched forward and kissed him. I needed to feel him again, selfish for his touch.
I pushed him back against the door.
No, it can’t be over, I thought desperately. As good as it felt to have his lips against mine, even as he kissed back, I could tell a kiss couldn’t make this better. But feeling so powerless tore a hole right through my heart.
I pulled back, keeping my palm against the back of his head.
He pressed his lips together, his gaze sinking to the floor. “Carter, when I said we could try this, I didn’t realize how hard it would be, even for just a few weeks, to be away from you.”
“It’s been hard for me too,” I confessed.
“It’d be one thing if it was like Rush and Linc, if you at least had a predictable schedule…”
“I know.” At this point it was apparent we both knew. Maybe we’d always known that this was where things had to lead. “This job always suited me because it kept me from getting attached to anyone, and now, here we are.”
Silence.
We stared at each other, but that bittersweet feeling I’d experienced in our video chats had transformed into something else, something so much sadder.
“I guess this is the part where we break—” My eyes filled with tears before I had a chance to speak the word, and Sawyer moved close, hooking his arm around me, as though he just wanted to be here for me.
He pressed his forehead against mine. All I’d felt him holding back while we were kissing, I felt in his calm embrace.
“I want us both to be happy, Carter. And the longer we keep this going, and the less I see you, the more that’s going to tear my soul apart. And you can’t refuse this huge opportunity in your life. Elliott’s offering you too much. We’re not lust-struck kids who got in over our heads without thinking things through. We’re realistic enough to see where this leads.”
“I know you’re right. We both knew this would happen eventually. I just always thought when people did this, there was more yelling and anger. Not this awkwardness and awful quiet.”
“Breakups are always hard.”
And there was that heinous word.
“They make you feel like such a goddamn failure,” he went on, “but I’ll never regret anything we did. I didn’t think I could ever feel like that, or let someone in. Not like that.”
“I can’t regret you either,” I said.
“Hey, this isn’t the end for us. I still want you in my life. You’re still my friend…God, my best friend. Who would have ever thought?”
I couldn’t help but laugh at his remark. “No one would have thought…and you’re my best friend too.” Some part of me wanted to escape this moment. No, it couldn’t be over. “Maybe friends could have one more time?”
Sawyer teared up. “Carter, I can’t… That would be too hard.”
“I’m sorry. That was so fucking selfish of me. I knew you wouldn’t, but I just…” My voice cracked as Sawyer rested his palm against my face. I could feel his strength and support, all those things about him I wasn’t ready to let go of.
“It would have been too hard for me too,” I confessed, tears streaming down my face. “Oh, now you got me crying, and I don’t cry.”
“Hey, I don’t either,” he said, running his free hand across his eyes. “I care so much about you. I want you to be happy.”
“I want you to be happy too. What a cruel universe, to put us together just long enough to tear us apart.”
“We’re both wise enough to know life’s a real motherfucker like that, and one way or another, I wound up with a great guy in my life.”
“Well, if not a goodbye fuck, maybe a goodbye hug?” I asked.
Maybe for the first time in my life, it was more than a touch that I was hungry for. I wanted so much more from him—to be so close, closer than our bodies could be.
Sawyer reeled me in and hugged me tight, which made me feel like I could let my tears slip free. I needed a good cry. That was all.
As he pulled away, his cheek rubbed against mine, and I reveled in the sensation, appreciating what could very well be our last touch. He leaned back farther, and my gaze settled on those lips—oh, how much I would miss them. Then he pushed forward, and as his mouth slammed down against my own, I pulled him even closer to me.
He hugged me once again and spun me around, pushing me back against the door.
My thoughts scattered as I seized the moment, welcoming his tongue into my mouth, taking what he had left to give me.