Series: Fever Falls Series by Riley Hart
Total pages in book: 96
Estimated words: 92704 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 464(@200wpm)___ 371(@250wpm)___ 309(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92704 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 464(@200wpm)___ 371(@250wpm)___ 309(@300wpm)
Of everything we’d shared—the intense, frenzied passion—this was that and so much more because it was like we were trying to give one another everything in an instant, capture a final speck of light in the darkness.
I didn’t want him to let go.
Just another moment was all I needed, I kept telling myself, hanging on to what I could before I felt his jaw tense as he forced himself back.
I considered stealing another kiss, but I knew it would only make it so much worse.
His expression was rife with guilt, as though he felt bad for even doing as much as we had.
“I didn’t mean to—” he began.
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“You didn’t do anything.”
“I certainly didn’t stop anything.”
We were both guilty parties in the crime we’d let each other get away with.
As we stared at one another in silence, I noticed he still held on to my hand. We both seemed to know it had to end at some point, but like with the kiss, we clung on to what we could.
“It’s not like I won’t take you back to the airport,” he said.
“I think it’d be better if I catch an Uber.”
He finally let my hand slip out of his hold. I didn’t fault him for it, since it had to happen. If anything, we had strung it on too long already.
“If you need to stay here in the meantime…” Sawyer went on.
“No, no. I’ll get a hotel and take a nap.” Although, I knew I wouldn’t be able to get any sleep, not before my flight.
“I don’t want you to have to pay for a hotel room,” he said.
“Eh, I’ll charge it to Elliott’s account,” I joked, and he cracked a smile.
“I’ll be around if you need anything,” Sawyer said. “My annoying little Carter.”
“Same here, my Serious Sawyer.”
We smiled, and I fought to keep it together.
“Well, I can at least drive you to a hotel,” he offered.
“Thank you. I just need to stop by the bathroom for a second.” I excused myself and closed the door, falling back against it as I let my tears rush free. I dropped to my ass, wrapping my arms around my legs.
I just needed a moment…and I had to be mindful of the time so I could get back in there and keep it together around Sawyer. Just long enough to get to the hotel.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Sawyer
I keep reading this journal over and over. I want to learn from it. I want to be better.
~ Sawyer’s Journal, present.
It had been two weeks since Carter and I broke up, and I still felt this emptiness that wouldn’t go away. It was as if someone had hollowed out my chest, this place where Carter had found a home and filled me up in ways I never imagined or thought possible, and now it was vacant again.
I was fully aware I sounded melodramatic, but I couldn’t help how I felt.
We still texted, but instead of every day it was every few days. I think both of us were worried about feeling too close and getting hurt, and why was it that I finally found someone I cared about, someone who cared about me, and I had to lose him?
Each time my brain went there, I argued with myself about whether Carter and I truly had to break up at all. Maybe we’d jumped the gun. Maybe it could have worked out. But then I remembered he would be living in Los Angeles permanently. That I owned a business in Fever Falls. My old insecurities rumbled around in my brain, but I thought I could let those go, I could shove them away because I trusted Carter, but was it fair to him?
Carter was the life of the party, the pulse that beat under your skin and prompted you to live and have fun, and it felt wrong to tie him down. I could see it in every Instagram post and every party he attended. People flocked to him the way I had. He made them feel important, like they were someone, the way he had done with me. I wondered if he realized the effect he had on people. How they watched and wanted him. He was electric, and he’d made me feel electric too.
I was feeling particularly maudlin, and found myself in the secluded area by the falls where we’d had our picnic. It was beautiful there, with the rush of water and nothing but green surrounding you. I’d often gone there to be alone over the years, but it had a different meaning now that I’d been there with Carter.
I sat on the grass and smiled at the memory of the two of us there. I’d really felt alive when I was with Carter. Had there ever been a time in my life when I’d felt as alive as I did with him?