Total pages in book: 71
Estimated words: 69098 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 345(@200wpm)___ 276(@250wpm)___ 230(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 69098 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 345(@200wpm)___ 276(@250wpm)___ 230(@300wpm)
The conversation doesn’t die, of course. Owen and Michael keep beating the fear into Dad’s head. With each passing moment, his body grows more tense and I can practically feel the waves of worry rippling from him.
“Out here, in the wild, birth defects are a real concern. And if any of your boys make the mistake of fucking one of your girls, that concern is going to become a reality,” Owen says, casually glancing my way. “It’d come out fucked-up and you’d be forced to put that abomination down.”
Abomination.
My gut recoils, a mixture of shock and indignation.
“That can’t really happen,” I blurt out, unable to stop myself. “Right?”
Dad stiffens and Owen gives me a patronizing smile.
“Ryder,” Ronan mutters, shooting me a pleading look to stop talking.
But I can’t.
“Dad, tell them that can’t happen.” My voice is hoarse as I briefly imagine Raegan pregnant. The thought of her delivering a baby that has to be put down makes me physically sick to my stomach. “Dad… We wouldn’t kill a baby even if it was a little messed up. Right?”
“You’ve seen Eve’s gravestones,” Rowdy answers, not meeting my stare. “From…”
Her past. Her sick, fucked-up past.
Dad told us the story of how Aunt Eve’s babies died. She kept getting pregnant when her brothers and dad would rape her.
They were abominations and had died because of it.
Or were they put down?
I’m going to throw up.
Fuck.
Jerking to my feet, I spit out an excuse that I need to take a piss. Truth is, I need to escape. I need to run far away from the pitying stares and haunting thoughts of something horrible happening to Raegan.
Mom and Dad’s fears of us being alone with her aren’t made up. They’re afraid for us because of what awful could come from it if we were to sleep with our sister.
Branches whip angrily at me, lashing at my face and tearing at my hair as I punch my way through the forest blindly in the total darkness. My charging thoughts fuel me and I keep stomping away, away, away until I can no longer see the orange glow from the fire or hear the voices of the other men.
Silence.
I lean my back against a thick tree, chest heaving with exertion. Slowly, I drag myself down until I’m sitting on my ass on the hard, exposed roots. My back burns from the bark scraping my flesh through my flannel. Hot tears burn at my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall.
Why am I so upset?
Because, deep down, you thought you could have her.
And you can’t.
Having her means hurting everyone around me, including any future babies.
My throat constricts and I gag. Nothing comes up, thankfully, and I swallow back down the bitterness at the back of my tongue.
An ache has formed deep in the cavity of my chest. I absently rub at my diaphragm in an attempt to ease the hurt.
Raegan is completely off-limits. The end. No negotiation. She’s a dream that must stay locked away in my mind, trapped forever to remain safe from me.
What about Ronan?
He can’t get pregnant…
The thought gets shoved into the same place Raegan has gone to in my mind. Just because he can’t get pregnant doesn’t mean a sexual relationship with him, beyond the “mistake” that happened last night, couldn’t hurt our family beyond fixing.
I don’t want to hurt anyone.
Especially not Raegan or Ronan.
I want them both to be happy and loved and protected.
I’ll be damned if I’m the one who fucks everything up for this family.
Crack.
The sound of a stick breaking nearby has me freezing and cocking my head to listen. It could be an animal or those bastards we’re hunting. Or it could be Ronan come to cheer me up. My heart squeezes at the thought of him giving me one of his comforting hugs.
“You okay, Ry?”
Dad’s gruff voice cuts through all thoughts of Ronan and hits me right in the stomach. It’s like my mind is muddled with all these wrong, confusing things bouncing around and now they’ve spilled free for all to see. Dad, perceptive to a fault, is probably picking them all up, inspecting each one and figuring out how to proceed.
“Ryder.”
“I’m fine,” I croak out.
I’m not fine. I’m so completely screwed up in the head and I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know how to erase how I’ve been feeling lately. To undo the trouble my dick keeps getting me into.
Dad crunches softly through the brush and then sits down close enough to me I can smell his familiar earthy scent. His sigh is heavy and sad.
I bury my face in my palms, dreading whatever talk we’re about to have. Whether it’s comfort or solutions, either way the conversation is going to be uncomfortable.
“I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately and when Atticus comes for his visit, I want you to go back with them. Get a taste of town life for a bit. Maybe find a girl worth settling down for.”