Total pages in book: 153
Estimated words: 140462 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 702(@200wpm)___ 562(@250wpm)___ 468(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 140462 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 702(@200wpm)___ 562(@250wpm)___ 468(@300wpm)
Hawk pulls on my knee and moves it to rest on his thigh, entwining us even more completely. Oh, how delightful it is to be wanted this way.
“So it’s like a real wedding? And people will know that I’m your Dark Companion? It’s not just a secret thing between us?” Hawk asks, nuzzling my cheek. His breath is so warm and comforting, I stretch, enjoying it on my skin.
I let several shadows lock around him like an embrace and stroke the stubble on his face. It’s still such a new thing to me. “Um, yes, it is most often called a wedding, and we will be considered married, even though that bond isn’t always a romantic one. I do hope ours will be. And you will not be a secret. Once we get to the palace, I will show you off with pride.” So everyone can see the kind of shadow the ‘shortest elf in the Realm’ has taken. No one will laugh at me then.
Hawk’s face brightens, and he strokes his stubble, smiling at whatever fantasy his imagination’s producing. “I wonder what made it so special. That smith guy also wanted it for himself.”
I groan at the memory of Tassarion’s hands so close to Hawk. I should have cut them off while he was still alive, but that wouldn’t have been reasonable or as easy as slashing the right artery in his throat.
“Scholars disagree on what it is exactly that makes a shadow grow in potency, but there must be a pattern of despair in a person’s life for that to happen,” I say softly, because this might bring up some terrible memories for Hawk. “And there is always a near-death experience, of which you said you had several. How did that happen?” I don’t ask just to study him. I want to be close to him, I want to know everything about him.
He transforms before my eyes. Gone is the easy smile, and his eyes dart to the ceiling as his breathing quickens, only to slow, as if he were trying to calm himself down. “Despair is a strong word. Everyone has bad moments.”
I stroke his back and kiss him. “If you tell me how you got so close to death, I will be able to look for patterns.” Parts of him are still like a deep ancient forest, impossible to penetrate, but I want to create paths that allow me to understand him better.
Hawk exhales and strokes my back, but his eyes remain fixed on the wooden beams above, as if he didn’t trust himself to meet my gaze. “You’ve met my family. They’re all about kids, and living simply. I was confused when it turned out I liked boys. Our little community started feeling more and more like a prison after that. So I got into fights a lot, and one time I almost died when one of my older cousins tried to teach me a lesson by choking me.
“When I woke up, it was clear I might not have survived, so I decided to go out and look for what I wanted. I went to a normal school and met boys like me. I was already big and strong at the time, so people quickly learned not to bother me about being gay. And I was real popular, invited to parties and that kind of stuff. And at one of those parties I ended up taking drugs, but I didn’t know what I was doing and took too much. Almost died again.”
So he was the outcast of his family as well, just like I was the black sheep of mine.
I sense that closeness of souls again, the conviction that I’m not alone in this universe of many realms. And that I can take away his sorrow too. I want him to drown in me and stay submerged for as long as his heartache lasts.
“The way I see it, I had a fairly average life. The world is hard on everyone, sometimes because you lack something, sometimes because you’re different. But I kept trying to find my own happiness, independent from my family. It didn’t work out well, as you know,” Hawk adds with a bitter chuckle. “Next brush with death? I wanted to show off for my then-boyfriend and did a backflip while standing on a tree branch. I thought I’d just land or grab onto the branch instead of falling, but I did fall on my head. It’s a miracle I’m alive. Then, I ran from the cops, just before my arrest. It was a crazy chase, but I felt so betrayed by my now-ex that it didn’t seem to matter if I died. But I didn’t. I crashed and had a few broken bones, but all is now healed.
“And the last time was two months back, give or take. Another inmate tried to kill me. Apparently, it’s a miracle I survived that. They have no idea how. Maybe I’m secretly a cat and still have five lives left? Unless we count the accident of the prison van, then that’s four to go,” he adds, stretching his tense back in an effort to appear casual about something that’s so clearly difficult for him. He finally meets my gaze and shows me a pale scar on his abdomen. “See? Already all healed up. It’s weird.”