Total pages in book: 28
Estimated words: 26774 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 134(@200wpm)___ 107(@250wpm)___ 89(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 26774 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 134(@200wpm)___ 107(@250wpm)___ 89(@300wpm)
Or that You wouldn't know how to comfort me.
A part of me is terrified all I'll still hear is silence. But I realize a moment later that's just the devil wanting to deceive me, and as soon as I start to believe that I will hear from my Father in Heaven—-
I have always been by your side, child.
That's exactly what happens, faith tearing past the web of deception the enemy has done its best to weave around my mind and heart.
And I never stopped talking.
But you were too busy talking yourself to hear Me.
A choked laugh escapes me at His tone, lovingly familiar, wonderfully reassuring, and - at times like this - hilariously chiding.
I miss You, God.
I was always with you, Acacia.
Please don't ever leave me.
I have promised you that even before you were born, and I always keep My promises.
I don't know what to do, God.
You only think you don't.
But you do.
Just like how you knew from the start what to do...when your parents asked you to abort your own daughter.
EVERYONE LOOKS SO HAPPY and relieved to see me come out of my cave the next day, and Story even starts fighting back tears when I say yes to joining them in tonight's festivities. The royal family will be camping in the desert, and over a hundred of the palace's most loyal officials have been invited to join them.
"Never make me worry like that again," my friend grumbles later on as she helps me put on a contemporary spin on the abaya, with a deep V neckline, flowing sleeves of semi-sheer fabric, and an empire cut to conceal the roundness of my belly.
"I can't make any promises," I say solemnly, "but I promise to pray for that for all of our sakes."
Story only grunts, and the sound so un-princess-like that it has both Ellana and me bursting into laughter.
"All done," Story announces as she takes a step back, and her daughter lets out a gasp as her wide-eyed gaze swings back and forth between me and my reflection.
"Ethereal!"
This time, it's Story and me who are laughing. Ellana and her unbelievable vocabulary strike again, and the memory is enough to put me in a good mood for the rest of the evening. I'm constantly lost in my thoughts, and I just feel like I've been away from God for so, so long that I just can't stop talking to Him in my mind.
Ellana is so cute, God!
Is it okay for me to pray that my daughter be just as cute?
Wait. Does that make me vain?
I've changed my mind. Is it okay for me to pray that my baby girl be just as smart?
No, wait. I just remembered what Solomon prayed for.
I want her to be wise instead. But not too wise that she's never going to listen to me.
Or is that too selfish to ask?
The thoughts run endlessly at the back of my mind as I find myself once again facing an impossible challenge.
Which of these deliciously baked nougats should I eat first?
"Anything I can help you with?"
The voice comes out of nowhere.
Quiet with a hint of unsteadiness.
A lot rougher than it should be.
And so, so heartbreakingly familiar.
A shadow falls over the table as I feel the heat of his virile presence envelop me. He's standing right behind me, but I can't make myself face him just yet.
"I miss you."
My eyes squeeze shut—-
"I tried my damnedest to stay away because I thought it's what you deserved."
—-just as cracks start to appear all over my heart.
"But every fucking day, I just can't concentrate."
His strong hands grip my shoulders as he speaks, spinning me around so that our gazes collide as his words come to an end.
Oh, Ronan.
There's so much pain in the amber depths of his eyes that I can only bite my lip hard to keep myself from crying out.
"I'm sorry," he says unevenly. "The last thing I would ever want to do is to hurt you, but that's exactly what I ended up doing. When I..." Ronan swallows hard as if needing to find the strength to say his next words. "When I first saw you, you were right. You did remind me of Lena. And I did want you because you looked like her...but I didn't realize it at that time."
The cracks in my heart have finally reached their limit, his painful words now tearing my heart into pieces.
"All I knew was that I wanted you. And it made me feel extremely good when you wanted me back, the way she never did."
My throat tightens, and I struggle for control.
"It was only the night when we attended our first party together that I realized..."
Agony flashes in his gaze.
"I wanted you for the wrong reasons at the start."
My fight for composure shatters, and my shoulders start to shake.
"Acacia—-"
He hauls me into his arms, and I sob on his chest. How crazy is it that I'm drawing comfort from the same man who's causing me pain?