Total pages in book: 95
Estimated words: 92466 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 462(@200wpm)___ 370(@250wpm)___ 308(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92466 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 462(@200wpm)___ 370(@250wpm)___ 308(@300wpm)
Immediately turned on again by his scent, I dug my fingers into his hair. “What’s that?”
“Cancel your flight and come back to my house and never leave.”
“You’re not even joking, are you?”
He lifted his eyes to mine, flashing an adorable grin. “Nope. Not in the least.”
“I wish it were that easy.”
“Is there anything I could say or do that would convince you to stay here for at least a little while longer?”
It was tempting to just say screw everything and stay in Cali for the week. But as the haze of last night lifted, I realized there was much more I had to work through before I’d be able to consider building a life with him again.
“I’m fully booked this week, so I have to get back.”
While that wasn’t a lie, it was a cop out.
Atticus nodded. “I understand.” He rested his chin on his hand. “For now. I understand for now, Nicole. But I can’t accept being apart from you forever. I need you to tell me what I have to do to get you back. I’ll do anything.”
Getting us back to a place where we could be together wasn’t just his responsibility.
“It’s not just what you need to do, Atticus. It’s what I need to do, too. I need to come to terms with the biggest part of your life now. Don’t you see? Until I can do that, we’ll never be able to make it work.”
“Don’t say never.” His face filled with fear. “I can’t handle never. How can I give you what you need to come to terms with it?” His eyes watered and a tear fell. I hadn’t seen him cry in a long time.
My voice shook. “I never imagined that the biggest part of your life wouldn’t be me. And though I know it’s not a competition, if I’m not absolutely certain I can learn to accept it, I can’t lead you on. Because it’s not just us who stand to get hurt here.”
He sniffled. “I get it.”
I caught his next tear with my fingertip. “I’ve tried so hard to stop loving you, but I can’t. It’s not about that. I couldn’t love you any more than I do. You know that, right?”
He nodded. “I won’t ever stop fighting for us. But you’re right. We have to be willing to face everything. To feel the pain. I need to resign myself to the fact that you were with Julian and find a way to stop wanting to physically hurt him every time I think about it. And you…” He paused. “You need to face the person you fear the most, the person who happens to own the other part of my heart.”
Tears blinded my eyes as I nodded. “I need to meet him.”
CHAPTER 28
ATTICUS
A couple of weeks later, with Nicole back in New York, I had my first appointment with Dr. Jensen in a while. I took a one-hour break from recording and brought my laptop out to the parking lot of the studio where we’d been working.
One by one, I’d conveniently canceled all of my appointments with her since New Jersey. My schedule while we were in the studio had made fitting her in difficult, but mostly I was hesitant to continue from where we’d last left off.
But I finally felt ready. As I’d told Nicole, we needed to face everything in order to move forward.
“Atticus!” she greeted when our video chat connected. “It’s been a while.”
I nodded. “It has. Things have been really busy with the band.”
“My husband was listening to The Rocker’s Muse the other day. That’s such a great album. I was tempted to tell him you were my client, but I wouldn’t dare violate confidentiality.”
“You should’ve. I don’t care.”
She grinned. “Do you have something new you’d like to discuss today, or shall we take up where we ended last time we spoke?”
Feeling rusty when it came to talking about my feelings, I sucked in some air. “We can continue where we left off.”
She scribbled something down. “The last time we met, you were recalling for me the time after Nicole and you got divorced. You indicated that the two of you were falling in love all over again from across the miles. There was hope for a reconciliation, and she was considering moving to California. She’d been talking to you more about some of the reasons she walked away. And then you alluded to something happening that changed everything…”
Swallowing, I nodded. “Yeah.”
She nodded.
I cleared my throat. “Nicole had booked a flight to come out to L.A. It would’ve been the first time we saw each other since the papers were signed. I had a couple of weeks before the band had to start touring, and I made all these plans for us.” I paused. “But then a week before she was set to fly out, I got a phone call.”