Total pages in book: 167
Estimated words: 164838 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 824(@200wpm)___ 659(@250wpm)___ 549(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 164838 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 824(@200wpm)___ 659(@250wpm)___ 549(@300wpm)
His release added another level to mine and I lost myself to it.
We clung to each other as we fell and shattered and when the explosion ceased, we flopped into a sticky, sweaty mess and didn’t say a word.
We couldn’t.
There weren’t any to say.
It was just…perfect.
* 46 *
Zander
Who Needs Furniture
I’D DONE A GREAT MANY THINGS THAT were severely bad for my health the past month or so…and that long list started and ended with Sailor Melody Rose.
I’d broken the law for her, disguised myself for her, realised I wanted more with her, and become slightly unhinged. She’d conjured needs in me that I’d never felt before and forced me to come face to face with the fact that I was sick to death of being the good guy.
After almost three decades of convincing myself I could never hurt anyone, I now had the undeniable urge to go on a rampage and let loose all this confusing, clawing, crippling fury, starting with her for putting herself in harm’s way.
I’d never been that free in bed before. Never felt that black obsession to consume and dominate. But with her? It’d taken all my willpower not to fuck her into the floor with no apology.
Kinda did that anyway.
Sighing heavily, I gathered her closer where we lay sweat-sticky and breathing hard on mismatched cushions. The living room smelled of fresh paint and she’d gotten rid of the couch and furniture. I liked that the bare bones of the room no longer held memories of what that bastard did to her and had been replaced entirely by what I’d done to her.
I’m also a bastard but at least I killed her with an orgasm instead of jealousy.
Sailor moaned and threw her leg over my thighs. Her arm flung over my waist as she nuzzled deeper, plastering us together. Her heart tapped the same chaotic rhythm mine did.
I’d heard that sex could be the greatest sedative, but I’d never experienced it. Now, I felt as if I’d chugged an entire bottle of sleeping pills.
Licking my lips and trying to get my breath back, I forced myself to be a man again and not the monster who’d just done dirty things to her. Kissing the top of her head, I groaned, “What did you just do to me?” Every part of me felt as if we’d punched each other in a boxing ring until we’d passed out.
Her heavy sigh sounded utterly content. “I believe you finally gave in and took what you wanted for a change.” She hugged me tighter. “Feels good, huh?”
“Good?” I could barely keep my eyes open. “That word is nowhere near adequate to describe how I feel.”
“And to think I almost had to hog-tie you last time just to give you a handjob.”
I choked on a laugh. “How did I not know you were such a temptress beneath all that primness?”
Kissing my chest, she whispered, “You haven’t been watching me for that long. It’s forgivable that you thought I was just some abuse survivor.”
My heart seized.
I’d almost forgotten.
Christ, I’d almost forgotten that I’d fucked her as X. That I was lying here, naked in her house, with black hair and brown eyes and a false identity.
Nausea gushed up my throat.
Protecting her as a masked stranger could be forgiven if my secret ever got out. But fucking her the way I did without telling her who I truly was?
Jesus Christ, she’ll hate me for eternity.
It wasn’t just the lies at this point. It was the betrayal of the incredible trust she’d given me. I’d felt her flinch a few times. Tasted the salt of her tears as I bulldozed my way through her trauma, but she’d trusted me not to hurt her and I’d trusted her to use the safe word if she wanted me to stop.
But she hadn’t said it.
She’d been brave and perfect and wonderful and…I’m fucked.
She used your last name as her safe word…
When she’d said it, I’d almost gone into cardiac arrest. Blistering hope bolted through me that perhaps she’d known it was me all along, and that was her way of confessing. That she knew and forgave me and wanted me anyway.
But that was just a dream.
And now I’d woken up and come face to face with the fact that it’d been a slip on her part. A Freudian slip revealing she might have feelings for me as Zander, but whatever crush she had would tear apart the moment she found out just how badly I’d betrayed her.
Fuck, what have I done?
My arm shook as I hugged her harder. Terror I’d never felt before bled through me. I’d lost her. I’d given in to my anger and taken her without telling her the truth, and now…now? Fuck, now I’d have to move far away just so I never had to see the disappointment and betrayal in her eyes.