Total pages in book: 167
Estimated words: 164838 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 824(@200wpm)___ 659(@250wpm)___ 549(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 164838 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 824(@200wpm)___ 659(@250wpm)___ 549(@300wpm)
Lily loomed over me, investigating my old car as if it would tell her what I was hiding. “Start spilling. Right this second.”
Memories of kissing Zander last night. The ignition of blistering heat, followed by the bucket of ice water. If only the damn door knocker hadn’t jammed into my back. If only he’d asked if I was okay instead of assuming that I wasn’t.
My heart picked up its exhausted beat again. Even if I had ended back at Zander’s house, could I honestly say I would’ve slept with him? I mean…I wanted to be free but that free? That unattached to jump from one man’s bed to another?
Perhaps it was a good thing the knocker had stopped us.
As much as I rode the high of adrenaline last night, if I’d woken in Zander’s bed this morning…I honestly didn’t know how I would’ve reacted.
“Sailor.” Lily waved in front of my face as I closed the car door and padded back toward the house.
Who brought it back for me? And how? The keys were in my purse. They hadn’t left my side. Unless X broke in last night and stole them? But if he cared enough to return my car, why hadn’t he messaged me?
Ugh, I’m not cut out for this.
Lily followed me through the house to the kitchen. “Earth to Sails.”
Pouring hot water over our teabags, I didn’t speak until I passed one mug to her and carried mine to the dining room table.
Sipping on warm comfort, I debated blurting out everything, but something stopped me.
I couldn’t understand my actions.
I no longer knew who I was or who I would become.
All I knew was…X was my dirty secret, Zander was my guilty pleasure, and right now, I needed to hide what I was going through so my best friend wouldn’t judge me.
Taking her hand, I squeezed her fingers. “I need you to trust me that I’m okay, and I’ll tell you everything, but not today. Today, I want you to tell me about the work mess last night. Did you get it sorted? How’s that builder you’re seeing? Aubrey, was it?”
She sighed heavily, her eyes sad. “I know what you’re doing, and I won’t let you do it for much longer.”
I gave her a crooked smile. “I know. Just…give me a few more days to get my head on straight. And then, I’ll tell you everything.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
* 42 *
Zander
Midnight Watching
ANOTHER WEEK FROM HELL ENSURED I HAD no time to sleep, let alone freak out over my lack of a love life or how many lies I’d told.
Between shifts, I spied on Sailor with my cameras and found comfort knowing she happily pottered around at home.
She hadn’t tried to message X again, and when I’d contacted her as Zander two days ago, her reply had been polite and reserved instead of open and honest, and I couldn’t do it.
I was too tired. Too drained.
I missed her.
I missed the way my heart would catch when a new text pinged. I missed her forwardness, pushing me to accept pieces of myself I would never ordinarily allow.
But no matter how close we’d gotten and how great the orgasms had been, it’d been based on lies. And I’d had no choice but to end it.
Hitching my satchel up my shoulder, I left the hospital and headed toward the staff car park. Honestly, I probably shouldn’t drive. I could barely see straight. I think the last time I slept was fifty-three hours ago and I literally couldn’t remember what my last meal was.
The thought of returning to an empty house, an empty fridge, and an empty bed almost made me turn around again to see if Colin was still in his office.
But I didn’t. Because if I didn’t crash soon, I’d crash not just my car but my health.
At least I have three days off.
I’d had two rostered off but added a vacation day purely because the thought of coming back here so soon almost made me want to quit. As much as I loved helping people and seeing sick people enter and healthy people leave, I was at the end of my rope.
Maybe I need a proper vacation?
Somewhere with sun and sand and two weeks of nothing but the tropics.
Unlocking my car, I slid in and rubbed my eyes beneath my glasses. A break sounded fucking awesome but the thought of being the single idiot on a deck chair with no one to share cocktails with sounded dreadfully unappealing.
Ah well.
At least I had seventy-two hours of freedom before the grind began again.
And the first thing I was doing was crawling into bed and forgetting about everything.
* * * * *
I woke sometime around two a.m.
Hunger pangs cut through my belly, causing enough discomfort that I couldn’t get back to sleep.
Exhaustion clung to my thoughts as I hauled myself unwillingly out of bed and stumbled down the stairs to the kitchen. Yawning, I checked the fridge and lack of supplies, settling on a bag of grapes that I’d bought last week and completely forgotten about.