Total pages in book: 124
Estimated words: 126840 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 634(@200wpm)___ 507(@250wpm)___ 423(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 126840 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 634(@200wpm)___ 507(@250wpm)___ 423(@300wpm)
Putting it that way, I didn’t either.
He kept going.
“Also got no problem helping a man who doesn’t pay child support see the light, pay his due, and ascertaining he won’t lapse in that reasonability again, and do all of that by any means necessary. Or showing the righteous path to a high school softball coach who thinks he can touch his girls and watch them shower, sharing with him in a way he cannot mistake he needs to get on with a job that isn’t around kids, or doesn’t allow him to harass females of any age. Then keeping tabs to make sure he doesn’t veer off that path. Got no problem with any of the things we do to help people who can’t get anyone else to help them. Neither does Core or any brother. It’s what we do. It’s who we are. It’s the vow we made to make amends for the shit we pulled, not only to Rosie, but any of it. And we are all gonna live that vow until the day we die.”
Okay, so it seemed there was some truth to what Eleanor said.
But there were also some big, fat lies.
And forcing their way through the lifting haze of betrayal, longing and pain, more memories emerged of what Core said about his club that night he got so mad at me.
About penance.
And redemption.
Beck put his hand to the knob on my door.
But he wasn’t done.
“He’s a wreck.”
I knew it.
I knew he was.
Because I was too.
But having it confirmed utterly destroyed me.
I dropped my head, and there was no hope in trying to stop my shoulders from shaking.
“Kiki left him when we beat down Rosie. He’s not let himself have a woman since. I don’t mean he hasn’t seen to basic needs, I mean he’s not let anyone close to his heart. In those woods, when he gave us what haunted him, I knew he’d suffer more than the others. He thinks he’s his father. And you got every right, this seems like a guilt trip, but it’s not, still, you leaving him, at least to him, proved that true.”
I gulped down a sob, and embarrassingly, it was audible.
“I’m sorry, honey,” Beck said gently. “I know this is a lot. But I gotta say one more thing before I leave. If what I shared moves you to give him a shot. If you sit down with him and listen. If in the end, you decide to let him make you happy, you won’t have a single brother giving you any shit that this went down. Families have misunderstandings. And families get it. Then they get on with it. I came here to tell you, I like you, my woman likes you, we want you to be a part of our family. But mostly, I came here because I want my brother to be happy and he’s completely in love with you, so right now he’s completely lost without you.”
And with that, I heard a whoosh, the chill from outside wafted over me, and after that, the door snicked shut.
22
RED
Core
Core was stoned and slightly drunk, flat out on his couch, with Nanook mostly on top of him, the TV on, the sound off.
This had been their state whenever he was at home since she left.
He got his shit done. He did his duty to the club. Saw to the stores. And he was sober when he did it.
He also didn’t get totally wasted. He was a piece of shit, but he wasn’t going to go there. He wasn’t going to get messy and foul like his old man.
He’d smooth the edges, but he deserved what he was feeling.
He’d let down all three of the women he’d loved.
His mom, by not being there when she needed him.
Kiki, by becoming the man no woman needed.
And Hellen, by not giving her the information she needed.
Core had no clue if he would have been able to find the words to make her understand it felt like he’d lived two different lives. That the name “Resurrection” for him and his brothers had all kinds of meanings, but only one important one. That he’d buried the man he used to be in the woods. After that, he waited for her to show so she could breathe life back into him.
But he’d been weak, so someone got to her before he did.
Nanook’s head came up from where it was resting on his paws on Core’s chest, his eyes going to the front door.
Core tried to ignore it.
Since the door closed on Hellen, Nanook had been sticking close to his dad. He sensed where Core was at.
But his pup was feeling his own feelings.
So even though he didn’t know every time he did it, it made Core feel like someone sunk a blade in his gut, whenever Nanook heard a car on the road, he came to attention, thinking it was her coming home.