Total pages in book: 124
Estimated words: 126840 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 634(@200wpm)___ 507(@250wpm)___ 423(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 126840 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 634(@200wpm)___ 507(@250wpm)___ 423(@300wpm)
So eventually, I’d have to pretend to put up with Jagger, which meant in every meaningful sense I’d lost a man I really liked, and with him, probably Archie too.
All because of Core.
So yes, I was furious. Furious Archie, Jagger and Rush were still trying to contact me. They wouldn’t leave me be (but thankfully, Archie hadn’t come back to my door).
I was blind with rage.
All I could see were Core’s dead eyes.
And all I could hear was him saying, “Yes.”
Ninety-six hours later, I was enraged.
Because I worried about him.
Because I loved him.
And he loved me.
And I was here and he was there, and we would never be.
It had broken me.
And all I could think was…
How was he feeling?
Ninety-six and a half hours later, I was apoplectic.
Because I missed Nanook.
A hundred an eight hours later, I was lost.
Janna had texted. She said Eight was going to leave my things outside my door that evening. He’d hang to make sure they were safe, but could I please try to be home by six to take my belongings inside?
I was there by six.
I didn’t look for Eight’s truck to see if he kept his promise.
I just hauled the three boxes of stuff in, feeling extreme relief Eight didn’t try to approach in order to state Core’s case, and feeling heartbreaking sadness he didn’t make an attempt to tap into that part of me who’d leap at any excuse to have my man back.
I took the boxes to my bedroom, because I knew it was mostly clothes and shoes and makeup.
When I opened them, I saw someone had packed them carefully.
There was respect in that packing.
There was love in it too.
I ignored how they were packed, but I unpacked them just as carefully and put everything away. But when I hit the Louboutins, I tucked them in their box on a top shelf and hid them with folded sweaters.
At the bottom of the last were two burgundy boxes.
That was when I started to fall part.
Those, I shoved in the bottom back of my T-shirt drawer, because it was fall, winter would be coming soon, and I wouldn’t need tees for months.
I would deal with them then.
Then I sat, face to knees, having shoved myself in my too-full closet, and I sobbed for what seemed like an eternity.
No Core to hand me tissues.
No Core to clean them up after.
But Core was in every second, every tear, every hiccup, every hitched breath.
All I could think about were his hands on me. His wink. Him setting fence posts into holes with Andy. The mermaid over his heart. Him listening to something Marcy was saying with a smirk on his face. The way his cock felt inside me. The perfect crumble of his cornbread. The lazy look he’d get in those amazing blue eyes when he was high, and how that made me feel happy. Because in that state, he was exposed, and what he exposed was that he was content.
He seemed a man who was right where he wanted to be, and that was with me.
It felt like I cried through every moment with him, every nuance of him, every word he said, laugh we shared, every shout that exposed how much I meant to him from the very beginning.
When I was done, I curled up, mind hazy and adrift.
I was going through the motions.
We’d been together mere months, and I didn’t know how to live without him being there at the end of my day.
I didn’t know how to start another day without him either.
I curled up and slept there, in my closet.
But when I woke, I was back to fury because it was all Core’s fault my body was full of kinks.
More.
I had to start another day without him.
And that was his fault too.
I’d done it because I had no choice. They were freaking out because I was ghosting them.
And yes, I’d had to be vague and cagey.
Which of course set off alarm bells.
But through a text, I told my girls Core and I were through.
They knew I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with him so they’d freaked out.
But when I asked, since they loved me too, they gave me space. I knew it wouldn’t last very long, but they gave it.
Which was the only beauty I’d experienced in a week.
And I hated it.
And I hated Core for making me hate it.
But no matter the hate and fury, no matter how hard I tried, what texts I typed to him I never sent, what number of tears I shed, what thoughts I had trying to convince myself it was lucky I found out before I was in too deep.
No matter what, I just couldn’t stop loving him.
And I needed to figure out how to stop loving him.
Because I missed him so badly, I worried it was going to kill me.