Total pages in book: 124
Estimated words: 118459 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 592(@200wpm)___ 474(@250wpm)___ 395(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 118459 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 592(@200wpm)___ 474(@250wpm)___ 395(@300wpm)
An envelope with blue writing catches my attention, having hidden itself beneath another piece of paper. I pull it out and find the phone bill.
I let my head fall forward after checking the due date.
Gas or groceries next week?
I rest my head on the edge of the table, letting my tears fall to the floor. I feel like I’m failing at everything. I work as hard as I can for what? To barely make it? If it was just me, that would be one thing. But it’s not. I have Ever to take care of, to be a role model for. What am I showing her about life? That you just grin and bear it? Because I’m certainly not showing her how to conquer anything. I’m not showing her what a family feels like. I’m not giving her the traditions I wanted, the full, warm life I always dreamed my child would have. The life I didn’t have.
I’m tired of fighting it. It would feel so, so good to let go and just fall. To give up and cry, to throw in the proverbial towel. Because without Gage, what’s the use?
And then I see her in her little green Tinkerbell nightgown, clutching her tattered monkey in both arms. She’s watching me fall apart, her eyes wide, her hair a mess.
“Mommy? You okay?”
I wipe my eyes, trying to rid them of any signs that I’ve been crying. I feel guilty for even allowing myself to think the things that just crept into my mind. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Hard or not, I will keep fighting for her.
“Yeah, baby. Come here.” I sniffle.
She walks to me and presses her face into my side. “Why are you sad?”
“I’m not. I’m just tired. Why are you awake?” I brush the hair off her forehead and note that she feels a touch warm.
“My belly hurts.”
I look at the bills on the table again and sigh.
“Let’s get you to bed and see how you feel in the morning, all right?”
“I wish Daddy was here,” she says softly. “Or Uncle Crew.”
All I can do is nod.
FIVE
JULIA
The early evening sun trickles through the curtains. I pull them open and bathe the living room in light. The sun always makes things seem better, but today was a good day anyway. Ever was voted Student of the Week and came home with a ton of stories from school. I found a new position that just opened at work. I’m in a prime position to apply for it and brought the papers home to look through. It would be more money and more benefits, two things I can definitely use.
“Mommy?” Ever asks from behind me. “Can we go to the park?
Please?”
I start to say no, but I remember I'm working at Ficht’s Diner most nights for the rest of the week. “You know what, baby girl? That’s a good idea.”
“Yay!” she squeals, jumping up and down. “Go get your rubber boots on and a jacket.”
I swipe the rent check I made out the night before off the kitchen table and meet my daughter by the front door after getting ready. We head outside and head towards the park.
“Look at that red bird,” Ever says, pointing in the tree above. “Mrs. Bennett says that’s a visitor from heaven. I bet it’s Daddy or Butterscotch.”
I laugh. “It might be. Or it might be a sign of spring. It’s a good thing either way, right?”
She ignores me, craning her head to watch the bird as we turn the corner.
My good mood is suddenly soured at the sight of a dark blue Ford F-150 truck parked next to the business office of our apartment complex. I growl under my breath and pick up my pace, trying not to drag Ever behind me. The closer we get, the angrier I become.
We are nearly there when Crew walks out. His head is down, his hands stuck into the pockets of his jeans. A gray thermal shirt is hanging loose and a burgundy hat with a golden “M” sits low on his head.
“Uncle Crew,” Ever squeals, dropping my hand and running to him.
His head jerks up. He glances up at me and grimaces, then looks back to my daughter. He bends down on one knee as she leaps into his arms, a grin tugging at his lips as she buries her head into his chest.
“Fancy seeing you here,” I say, unamused, as I reach them.
“Yeah,” he says, his tone equally cool. “Imagine finding you here.”
“Seriously, Crew. What are you doing?”
Ever looks between us, grabbing Crew’s hand. “What do you think I’m doing here?”
“I’m bringing the rent by now, so it better not be what I think.”
“No sense. It’s paid.”
“Ugh. You didn’t have to do that. Just . . . go back in and get it. I’ll take my check in there.”