Total pages in book: 185
Estimated words: 180510 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 903(@200wpm)___ 722(@250wpm)___ 602(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 180510 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 903(@200wpm)___ 722(@250wpm)___ 602(@300wpm)
“You okay?” Felix asks.
I give him a slight nod. He hands me my purse. “My number is in the phone I got you.”
I nod again.
“See you in a while, Josie.”
Colten closes the trunk and scuffs his black dress shoes to me. On an infinitely deep sigh, he hunches in front of me, resting his hands on my legs. And he just … stares at me. His gaze slowly brushes along my face. I don’t know what to say. My memories are so out of order; therefore, the emotions tied to them are scattered as well. I don’t know how to explain this to him. I don’t know where to begin.
I just know that my heart is crashing against my ribcage. And I swear I can hear his doing the same.
When he doesn’t speak, I expect him to help my legs in the car. I expect him to ask me questions. He doesn’t.
He drops his head in my lap. I lift my hands, staring at his head and holding my fingers above it for a few seconds, afraid to touch him because I don’t know what’s appropriate, how he’s feeling, or anything about the lady in red. I draw in a shaky breath as tears flood my eyes. Even if my memories are fuzzy, my feelings are not. I’ve loved this man my whole life. My fingers find his hair, gently stroking it. His body shakes with silent sobs.
I blink.
All the tears race down my face onto him.
What did I do to us?
What did I do to him?
As quickly as he fell apart in my lap, he lifts my legs into the car, fastens my seat belt, and closes the door. When he doesn’t appear on the driver’s side right away, I glance behind me. His back is to the car, head bowed, fingers slowly running through his hair as he lifts his chin, gaze to the night sky for several seconds before he moves toward the driver’s side.
We make the trip to his house in silence. He retrieves my walker and the bag while I open the car door.
“Need help?” he asks, appearing a little less agitated without Felix’s presence.
I shake my head, swinging my legs out of the car and standing with the ease of a sloth. He moves with me, an inch at a time, into the house.
“Is it hard or strenuous to talk?”
“No. Just … sometimes I can’t find the right word. Or I say it wrong.”
“Can you walk up the stairs?”
I shake my head.
“Hungry?”
Another headshake.
Again, he scoops me up and takes me to his bedroom, leaving me on the end of the bed while he gets my bag and walker.
I rest my hands on the edge and glance around the room. It’s familiar. My mind goes straight to red dress woman. Has she been in this room? In this bed? Is it my business anymore?
Colten sets my walker next to the bed. Then he shrugs off his jacket and loosens his tie. I can’t force my gaze to his. I feel too weak.
Too vulnerable.
Too inadequate.
I think my plan backfired. I should have stayed dead.
“Hey …” He demands I look at him.
So I do, hoping I don’t start crying again.
“That woman?” He unbuttons his white dress shirt. “She’s a friend. That’s it.”
Pressing my lips together, I return a tiny nod, again letting my gaze slip to my lap.
When he emerges from his closet in a pair of jogging shorts, he turns on the TV, lifts my legs onto the bed, and fluffs the pillows before hooking his arm around my waist, spooning me to him.
I swallow hard. “I know you have questions.”
He kisses my head. “You already answered the only one that matters for tonight.”
I stretch my neck around to look at his face.
“You’re alive,” he says. “That’s all I need to know until tomorrow.”
My hand makes a slow ascent to his face, cupping his cheek. His eyes redden with more emotion while the pad of my thumb brushes his bottom lip.
He closes his eyes and leans into my touch. How did we get here?
I know, yet … I don’t think I will ever truly understand.
CHAPTER FORTY
“What am I missing?” Felix asks.
I glance around the setup in the storage shed. The “borrowed” medical equipment. Crash cart. Bed. Medications. I hope if he’s found out, being the son-in-law of the hospital administrator will help his case.
“Looks good.”
He shakes his head. “It’s not good. We need a vent.”
“I told you, no ventilator. If I can’t breathe on my own, you let me die. You know where to dispose of the body. Return everything, and pretend this didn’t happen.”
“Sure. Because I kill people on a daily basis. No big deal.”
“You’re a doctor. And you’re human. It’s probably not daily. I’d hope not. But you kill people,” I mumble. The visions. The voices. The burden of accountability has been multiplying with each passing day. I haven’t slept more than a few hours in the four days I’ve been at Felix’s.