Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 88536 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 443(@200wpm)___ 354(@250wpm)___ 295(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 88536 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 443(@200wpm)___ 354(@250wpm)___ 295(@300wpm)
She smirks, almost disbelieving. “The problem is you’re as much of a gentleman as you are an asshole. It could give any girl the wrong idea.”
“I don’t do this for other women. They’ve only served a purpose for one night, and I’ve always been gone before dawn.”
She sighs. “So why are you doing it for me? If it’s because I’m friends with your sister, you don’t have to.”
“This has nothing to do with Maria.”
“Then what?” she pushes.
I don’t know why I can’t keep Alina out of my thoughts. Why, no matter what part of the world I’m in, I’m only thinking of her and wanting to return to her. She’s the first breath I’ve taken since Hayley died, and I can’t make sense of any of these turbulent emotions stirring up. No matter how much I try to shove them back down, they perplex me in ways I don’t want to deal with.
“I don’t know.”
She gazes across the water, and I can tell she’s not entirely satisfied by that answer. “And the fan club you have here?”
I tangle my fingers together. Now to the heart of the truth. The uncomfortable conversation that I thought I’d never share with anyone.
“Hayley grew up in this town until she was ten years old. But she always spoke about it fondly. This was the place she wanted us to eventually settle down and start a family. Said this always felt like home.” I confess the dreams of my deceased wife, whose memory seems to get further and further away. “When she passed, I frequented here for the first few years for… I don’t know… to feel like I was honoring her, so that I could feel connected to her. I drowned my sorrows at local bars and buried myself in some women, trying to forget.” I sigh.
Alina’s staring at me now, almost in disbelief. “Small world, huh?”
I chuckle, trying to release this erratic energy around me. Considering she was raised in this very same town, I couldn’t believe the slim chance myself. “Coincidental it would seem.”
“Do you still think you’ll settle down here?” she asks.
“No. But I think this will be a place I come back to often. I might just have to make sure I don’t drink so much when I do.”
She lets out a chuckle. “I guess I hit the list, then, didn’t I?”
I give her a serious look. “No, you were never a one-night fling.”
She goes to say something, as if to ask what she might be to me, but it falls dead on her lips. The tension around us changes as she removes my jacket and says with a beautiful smile, “Hayley was very lucky to have you for a husband.”
“She dealt with a lot,” I say with a nervous laugh, and she does the same as she places the jacket in my hand.
“I bet she did.” Sad eyes meet mine. “I think we need to call it quits here, Will. I don’t want to hate you, but I think we might both be in denial about what’s happening here.”
I fist the jacket, wanting to argue with her but can’t find the words because I begrudgingly know she’s right.
“I don’t know what it’s like to lose a partner like that, but I want to find someone who looks at me the same way you probably looked at her. And whatever we’re doing now, I think we should end here as friends. Before it turns into something that both of us are too uncomfortable to address.”
I try to smirk but fail, feeling defeated. I don’t know why but talking about Hayley with Alina, and having Alina walk away is… uncomfortable. Like a part of me is trying to detach from Hayley and I’m trying my hardest to cling to it, to respect her and what we had. But the only way I can make space for Alina is if I let go. And I just can’t.
I can’t even laugh it off this time, and the truth of this situation is as shocking as it is a rude awakening.
Alina steps on her tippy-toes and presses a kiss to my cheek. “Thanks for the fun, Will, and I hope you find what you’re looking for.”
Ironic, considering I’m one of the best at finding things. And yet, as I watch Alina walk away, I can’t help but wonder if I’m letting something important go.
But I’m frozen in place. I’m determined to honor my late wife and our marriage. Because if I don’t… doesn’t that lessen what we had?
CHAPTER 42
Alina
Ijolt in the back seat of the cab, a heavy sigh escaping my lips. I don’t know why, but I feel like I just broke up with him, even though we weren’t anything serious. I had a lot of fun with Will, but the moment I realized even the town I grew up in was associated with his deceased wife in some way… I felt selfish. Greedy almost. And slightly jealous.