Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 82829 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 414(@200wpm)___ 331(@250wpm)___ 276(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82829 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 414(@200wpm)___ 331(@250wpm)___ 276(@300wpm)
His statement lands wrong in my chest, even if in some ways he’s right. “That doesn’t mean I don’t understand you want what’s best for your son. But I guess I think he’s the one who knows what’s best for him, and even if he doesn’t, he’ll learn. He’s a good man.”
John nods. “Yeah, he is. It’s just…we’re so different. I want to understand him, but I don’t. He’s been given so many opportunities in life that other people fight for. His lacrosse talent, loving parents, the fact that he’s never gone without, that even if he couldn’t have gotten a scholarship for college, we could have paid for it. I feel like he’s throwing it all away and one day he’ll regret it.”
I nod, unsure how to get through to him. “You could be right. He might regret it, and he might have thrown away a lot of opportunities, but he might not regret it either. You raised a son who knows who he is and is proud of who he is. He’s determined. Just like you, only in different ways.”
He bristles slightly. “I’m proud of my son, Marsh. I’ll always be on his side.” There’s a slight edge to his voice he didn’t have a moment before, which is what I worried about. I don’t want to go too far.
“I know. Ignore me. You’re right. You know JT better than I do, and what do I know about being a father?”
Now he gives me an almost sad smile, not doing a good job at hiding the fact that he feels bad for me, like I’m missing something. “But you’re a hell of an uncle, and I’m so damn glad JT has you in his corner too.”
I shift in my seat. It’s not as if he’s never said before that I’m basically an uncle to JT, but it’s not something that’s truly been a thing. I’m always just Marsh to JT—his dad’s best friend. I don’t know why I’m even thinking about that anyway.
We finish our lunch and go our separate ways. Half a day of work left until tonight, when I’ll again meet a young man online who is more intriguing to me than he should be.
*
CravingMore: Do you ever feel like no matter what you do, it’s the wrong thing? Or like what feels right to you is disappointing to the people you care about, but if you change for them, then you’re not being true to yourself?
I stare at the screen, surprised by the question. Sure, CravingMore and I have talked about all sorts of things, but he’s never asked a question like this, and I’m not sure where it came from.
FulfillingDominance: Are you okay?
CravingMore: Yeah, just a lot on my mind.
FulfillingDominance: Who do you feel you let down?
CravingMore: I’d rather not say. Is that okay, Sir?
I smile, which is ridiculous. I don’t understand why I’m even doing it. Because he called me Sir and asked permission? That’s my thing. It’s always been my thing, and it’s never made me smile simply seeing it on a screen before.
FulfillingDominance: Yes, it’s okay. And I think disappointment is a part of life—both feeling disappointed and others feeling it in us. What matters is the why and how you deal with it. Being true to yourself is always the most important thing. Is this about being a sub?
I wait on pins and needles. Is he going to decide this is something he doesn’t want? Though I don’t believe that’s true at all. Despite never having met him, I sense how much CravingMore wants this, needs this, that it’s a part of who he is, the way it’s part of who I am. It could be that’s how he feels he’s letting someone down.
FulfillingDominance: There is someone in my life who doesn’t understand, and it’s a topic we haven’t discussed in years. I know it made them look at me differently, and that hurt, but I couldn’t deny who I am, and I damn sure know there’s nothing wrong with it. The truth is, other people don’t have to understand us, they just have to give us the freedom to be who we are and love us regardless.
CravingMore: Jesus, I just got goose bumps reading that. It’s not about my sexuality or being a sub, but I can relate all the same. And I can definitely say that this person with other expectations from me would probably be disgusted if they knew that sometimes I ache with the need to completely let go…to give control to someone else to fuck me and hurt me and order me around as they please.
My cock twitches beneath my boxer briefs, sweat beading on my brow. I want to be that for him in a way I’m not sure I’ve ever wanted with anyone else. I don’t understand the draw, the connection, but it’s palpable and making me yearn.