Total pages in book: 135
Estimated words: 128061 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 640(@200wpm)___ 512(@250wpm)___ 427(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 128061 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 640(@200wpm)___ 512(@250wpm)___ 427(@300wpm)
“Tell the vampire,” he replied, feeling slightly ashamed for the thoughts he’d just had. “He doesn’t seem to miss much.”
“Ah.” She held up a finger. “But will he rat out his shadow? I’m not so sure.”
“Good point.” He pushed the door open and stepped aside. “Ladies first,” he said quietly, accidentally catching sight of her popping cleavage and tearing his eyes away quickly. Hopefully she hadn’t noticed.
“Well, my goodness. Quite the gentleman,” she said, passing in front of him. “That must be your professional training, since we all know you’d shove me out of the way to enter first if this were any normal situation.”
“I still might. Watch your six.”
“What has Patty made Edgar for dinner this evening?”
He stepped inside after her, and his heart beat a little faster. He turned to close the door; the familiar smells of his home mingled with the unfamiliar fragrances of others in his space. He took a moment just to breathe, this being the first time he’d had people over. The first time he’d entertained since losing his family. The first time—
He swallowed, his face breaking out in a sweat. He’d gone through with this dinner because he’d wanted to challenge himself. When he joined Austin’s pack, he’d decided that he should try to make a new life for himself. He’d longed for the easy friendliness Jessie shared with her crew, for a sense of community. Patty had presented the perfect excuse for him to try.
Now, in his space, he realized how little he had to offer any social evening. How bad he was at small talk. How close he was to the memories of a different time and place, a different home—his kids thumping around, his mate and her friends chatting…
“Hey, hey. Whoa, hey.” Nessa was there in a moment, her hands on his arms, pushing at his chest. Cool air blanketed him, and his butt touched down on the wood of the bench. She’d gotten him back outside. “What can I do? What do you need? I can call the whole thing off in two seconds. No problem.”
He looked away, his throat tight. He wanted to scream or fight. He wanted to tear himself apart and end this eternal night that he was trapped in. He wanted to drink so much he couldn’t feel. Couldn’t remember.
“Incoming,” she said, and her firm butt touched down on his thighs. “Here we are.” She scooted in close until her shoulder leaned against his chest. “Here we go. Just pull that around here…” His arm was yanked around her. “And that one around here…” The other followed. “Your arms are really heavy. It’s like they’re stuffed with lead. Okay, now squeeze.” She tugged on his arms. “Squeeze, squeeze. Like a teddy bear. It’ll make you feel better, I promise. I used to do this all the time to Sabby after his sister died. Ordinarily you’d think I’d be the one hugging, but he was too big. You’re definitely too big. So you hug, and I’ll try to keep my guts in my body. It’s better than—”
She wheezed when his arms constricted. He hadn’t even meant to tighten them.
“It’s better than a teddy bear, I think,” she continued, her voice breathy. He tried to relent, but he couldn’t seem to follow through for some reason. “Teddy bears aren’t real. They don’t give anything back. But people have energy and heat and compassion. So when you hug me, you give me your energy. And then I merge it with mine and give it back. And then we just kinda stew in each other for a while until you feel better. See? Also, I talk nonsense. Sebastian always liked to hear chatter because it helped take his mind off things. I can be quiet if you want, though. Just tell me what you need.”
He needed to have a better grip on himself. He needed to get off this porch before any of the pack saw the state he was in. He needed to be stronger.
He needed to break down.
God, he hated this life.
“I’ll go scare the others away,” she said, and moved to get up.
“No, it’s fine.” He buried his face into her hair, breathing her in for a moment. She always had this pillowy-soft scent he’d recognize anywhere. It wasn’t the magic that gargoyle had smelled. It was just…her. Sunshine in a bottle, beautiful all year round.
“See?” she asked. “Do you feel that? The buzz?”
It took him a moment to recognize that she’d spoken. And then he did feel it, a deep electrical current, running through the very fiber of his being. It crackled in the air around them and vibrated through their touch.
“I can only do that with some people,” she said, snuggling a little closer. “Then again, I only actually try with some people. And I don’t really make it a habit of randomly sitting on people’s laps. I should, just to see who I can energy-connect with.”