Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 79749 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 399(@200wpm)___ 319(@250wpm)___ 266(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 79749 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 399(@200wpm)___ 319(@250wpm)___ 266(@300wpm)
The email does nothing but piss me off, but there's a part of me that expected it to say exactly what it does.
She apologizes for taking so long to write, but she has a hard time accepting that I am still alive. She doesn't understand why I've been absent from her life if I were still on this earth, and I can sense the pain in those words. Part of me feels that ache, but another part of me wants to shoot fire from my eyes because it's as if she's turning this around on me, as if I betrayed her, not the other way around.
I run both hands over the top of my head, agitation growing inside of me. I'd shake the woman, literally put my hands on her shoulders and shake her, if she were in this room right now. It seems we have a lot of shit to work through, but if I can't get her out from under Damien's control, then I may never get the chance.
I pull in a deep breath, pacing back and forth once more before continuing, because the last thing I need is to throw the fucking computer against the wall.
The woman drives me mad. She always has, and it seems even years of distance and separation haven't put an end to that.
I swear I can hear her whispering the words despite the fact that they're typed out on the screen.
I'm so glad you're alive and you didn't die because of me that day. I've used this email account in recent months as a way to get things off my chest because I'm so lonely, but don't mistake these words as a cry for help. There's nothing that can be done, and, honestly, I'm not worth the trouble. It's best for everyone involved if you forget I exist and continue to go on with your life, free of me and the danger I pose.
I pull in a deep breath, my frustration only continuing to grow. I don't want to be let off the hook. Who does she think I am? Does she really think that I'm the type of man who can walk away from any woman in a bad situation?
I didn't have much time to explain myself when we were younger, but I never portrayed myself to be someone different from who I was, other than my actual reason for being a part of her father's crew. I wasn't violent or mean. I wasn't rude or disrespectful. Those were some of the things that caused so many issues for me. I was pretending to be someone different in name only. I didn't change my personality, and that fucked with my head more than I ever should've allowed. I learned a lot about what not to do after that case was over for me, and that knowledge has helped keep me alive countless times since.
I won't bother you again. I'm sorry for using this email as a sounding board. Please don't come for me or try and interfere in any way. Doing so will only cause me more problems. It's not as bad as I made it sound. I was having a bad day.
A bad day.
I wonder if those are a reflection of her own words or if it's something that Damien says after he's finished hurting her. Is he the type of man who sends flowers and begs forgiveness after blackening her eyes and splitting her lip? I highly fucking doubt it. The Damien I knew would taunt her and press his finger into her bruises just to watch her wince in pain a second time.
I clench my hands into fists over and over, needing to hurt someone and knowing that I won't be happy until Damien Gaines is bleeding out at my fucking feet.
It's not just her. He has caused so much pain for so many people. As Ivan Reese's successor, he did most of it with impunity. The fact that he's keeping Aspen and her son separate speaks of his cruelty. What type of man keeps a child away from their mother? That alone is enough for me not to listen to her request. She can't see just how dangerous things are for her because she's right in the middle of it and her perspective is skewed. I'm well aware of exactly how these operations work from my years with ICE, and I know she and Eli are not only pawns for Damien to use against each other, but she's the main target of anyone wanting to unseat Damien from his stolen throne.
Even though she's requesting to be left alone, I know I could never do that. I could possibly convince myself for a day or so that she has every right to decide how her life is going to play out, but, in the end, it won't matter. In the end, she doesn't get to choose to keep her son in danger. Trying to give her what she wants would only result in wasted time because not helping her isn't an option. Leaving a woman in known danger isn't how a Marine acts. It isn't how Cerberus acts. It isn't how real men act. Helping her and getting her and her son free of that man is the only option. What she does after that is a hundred percent up to her.