Total pages in book: 98
Estimated words: 95421 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 477(@200wpm)___ 382(@250wpm)___ 318(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 95421 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 477(@200wpm)___ 382(@250wpm)___ 318(@300wpm)
My heart clenched. “Oh my God, Dawson. You can’t blame yourself for that. You didn’t know you were sick.”
“I knew my girlfriend hadn’t been feeling well, and I didn’t think before I kissed Bailey.”
“You were seventeen and doing what someone you loved wanted you to do.”
“I didn’t make the right decision.”
“What would the right decision have been? To not kiss her and break her heart by rejecting her? I think if I were in her shoes, I would’ve wanted the kiss more than a few more days.” I shook my head. “Did my sister’s cancer bring this all to the surface for you? Is that what’s been going on?”
“There’s something else I need to tell you.”
“What?”
He took a deep breath and turned to face me. “I was your sister’s bone-marrow donor.”
I blinked a few times. “What?”
He nodded. “I was her donor.”
“What? How? Why wouldn’t you have told me that?”
“I didn’t do it for the right reasons. I wanted to save your sister because of what I did to Bailey.”
“Did you think that would upset me?”
“It felt wrong. And then she got sick. And the doctors thought she was rejecting the transplant, and I thought—holy shit, I did it again. I decided what’s right or wrong for someone else, and they’re going to pay the consequences again.”
“Oh, Dawson…” I covered my heart with my hand. “You did something beautiful. Twice. And what happened after is just part of life. Even if things hadn’t improved for Frannie, it wouldn’t have been your fault.” I shook my head, feeling awe as I looked at the man in front of me. “I can’t believe you did that and didn’t tell me.”
“I’m sorry I kept it from you.”
Still in shock, I couldn’t stop shaking my head. “I was starting to get jealous because you kept asking about my sister even when you were clearly avoiding me.”
“Can you forgive me for not telling you and then not being there for you these last few weeks?”
“Forgive you?” I pulled him into my arms. “I should be thanking you. You gave her the most amazing gift, and you gave me the gift of more time with my sister.” I hugged him tight. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”
After a long time of holding each other, Dawson pulled back. “There’s something else I need to tell you.”
“Oh God. What else?”
He took my face in his hands and looked straight into my eyes. “I love you, Naomi. I think I have from the first moment we met.”
“I love you, too.” My eyes filled with tears, happy ones this time, yet I couldn’t help but laugh. “Though the first time we met, I gave you a black eye.”
His lip twitched. “But I showed you my dick. So no wonder you stuck around.”
I smiled, feeling hope bloom inside of me. “Welcome back. Believe it or not, I even missed your big ego.”
Dawson rubbed his nose with mine. “How about we go back to my place? And I apologize properly.”
I bit down on my bottom lip. “What did you have in mind?”
Dawson’s eyes shifted over my shoulder. He lifted his chin, guiding me to follow his line of sight. When I did, I found Leo once again bent over Sheldon, humping away. “Maybe a little of that, for starters?”
Chapter 38
* * *
DAWSON
A month later, I sat on the damp Connecticut grass watching the sunrise on the morning of Bailey’s birthday. The last time I’d visited this cemetery was the day of her funeral. I’d thought about coming here often, but I’d never had the balls to do it. Maybe it was because I’d never known what to say. Or maybe I knew that if I was ever truly going to move on, I’d need to come here and say goodbye. Whatever the reason, I was ready now, so I took a deep breath and spoke to my best friend.
“I’m sorry I didn’t visit sooner. I won’t even try to give you an excuse, because you were always able to see through my bullshit. Even though I wasn’t here, I spent a lot of time thinking about you, and there’s a lot I need to say, once and for all.
“I’m sorry, Bailey. I’m sorry I hurt you when you found out I was with someone else. And I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you about my feelings.” I reached into my jacket pocket and pulled out four envelopes—the three yellowed ones I’d written to Bailey a long time ago, and a new one that was already addressed with a stamp on it. Setting the four old ones against the headstone, I continued. “Most of all, I’m sorry I got you sick. I went to see your mom not long ago, and she told me it wasn’t my fault that you died—that you were sick, and it was only a matter of time. But even if that’s true, it should have been on your own terms, when you were ready. Maybe someday I’ll be able to accept that I couldn’t have changed things and make peace with the idea that God took you when He wanted. But I haven’t yet. So instead, I’m here to ask for your forgiveness. Because I need to start to heal.