Total pages in book: 102
Estimated words: 99766 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 499(@200wpm)___ 399(@250wpm)___ 333(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 99766 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 499(@200wpm)___ 399(@250wpm)___ 333(@300wpm)
It’s his expression that keeps my hands firmly planted at my sides.
“Hi, Smash,” I say, swallowing down the nerves in my stomach. “Want to come in?”
“I don’t have a lot of time. Cal’s babysitting Zella. This won’t take long, Penny.”
My chest aches and bile rises in my throat. “What’s up?”
I miss his smile. I miss the twinkle in his mahogany eyes. I miss his playfulness.
Nothing about him seems warm or friendly, which terrifies me.
Surely I didn’t push him away completely.
No, Terrence forgives easily. He thought my sister was the one who crashed into him and he still forgave her. All I did was lie about my job. No big deal. Everything is fine.
“I…” He scowls and looks down at his boots. “We should talk.”
“We are talking,” I state, my voice higher than normal.
“We had a lot of fun.” His gaze lifts to meet mine, but there’s a hardness there I’ve never seen directed my way.
Had.
Had
We had a lot of fun.
“Terrence,” I whimper, reaching for him.
He takes a step back, sending my heart plummeting.
“But that’s all it was. Fun,” he says coolly. “I see that now. I should have known better getting involved with someone so young.”
All I can do is gape at him, tears quickly forming in my eyes.
“I need to focus on Zella right now.” His jaw clenches as his eyes zero in on a tear that races down my cheek. “I,” he utters, his voice hoarse. “I want to help the investigators find her mother.”
“Don’t shut me out,” I beg, choking back a sob as more tears roll out.
His features twist painfully. “I think you did enough shutting out for both of us.”
“Terrence.” I reach for him again, but a severe shake of his head has me stopping. “I could help you find her mom.”
“You’ve done enough helping,” he rumbles. “I can do this on my own.”
“What about us?” The tears won’t stop and I can’t control them. Charlotte’s the crier in our family, not me.
“There can’t be an us. Not without trust. I lost it a week ago when you walked through my door beat to shit and I had no clue how the fuck it happened.” He rubs at the back of his neck, shooting me a pained expression. “I can’t be what I need to be for Zella and always be worrying about you, Penny. I can’t. After what happened, I will always wonder what else you aren’t telling me. I get it. You’re closed off. I always thought I’d be the one you let in. Now, I realize, I’m not that guy.”
“You are,” I argue, my bottom lip wobbling.
“I’m not.” He lets out a ragged sigh. “Take care of yourself. I’ll see you at practice.”
He stalks down the hallway and disappears into the elevator. My legs give out, sending me crashing to the floor as a sob overcomes me. Tears stream down my cheeks as pain pokes deadly holes in my heart.
We’re not over.
How could he even suggest such a thing?
I get him and he gets me.
You don’t just throw that away.
Guilt consumes me. I knew it was a bad idea keeping it from him. I just always thought if he found out, he’d be mad and get over it. I never expected him to put an end to us. I cry so hard the floor blurs in front of me. Strong arms scoop me up like I’m a child. Dad’s not here, but the next best thing is. I cling to Jace, sobbing against his tattooed neck.
“I got you, kiddo,” he assures me.
“What am I gonna do, pet? He broke my heart.”
“You’re going to cry it out. And then, Penny, you’re going to get right back up. You’re going to keep moving. You’re an English. You people are not weak.”
I cry silently, wondering how I get over this. The sound of Jace’s breathing seems like it’s louder today. The air conditioner cuts on and makes the blinds rattle. I can hear the annoying kid upstairs bouncing around. The water in the bathroom sink drips in a loud, maddening way.
“What do you need?” Jace asks.
“I need my AirPods.”
He hands me my phone and AirPods. I flick on the white nose channel and crank it up. The soothing sound silences it all.
Nothing can silence the wails of pain that echo inside my mind.
Jace lingers, offering a comforting presence, but eventually he leaves me to my despair.
We broke up. Terrence and I broke up.
It’s going to take a long time to get over this.
Terrence
April
Don’t think about it.
Man, don’t think about it.
I can’t help it, though. Every time I look at Zella, my heart breaks. She doesn’t understand. I told her in the best way I knew how, but she shrugged and went along her merry way.
Garrett says she doesn’t have the capacity to process that information. In time, she’ll begin to understand, and then I’ll need to make sure she has the counseling and support she needs. Until then, I am to just keep being her dad.