Total pages in book: 102
Estimated words: 99766 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 499(@200wpm)___ 399(@250wpm)___ 333(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 99766 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 499(@200wpm)___ 399(@250wpm)___ 333(@300wpm)
She giggles. “My very own swing set?”
“You might have to share with Sebban,” I say with a chuckle. “He’s a rowdy boy who loves to play outdoors too. But he likes to play with worms and chase ducks.”
Another giggle. It’s a balm to my soul.
“Can we go fishing?” she asks, pointing to the river.
“One day. My best friend Cal likes to fish and so does his dad. Maybe we can buy some supplies and they can teach us.” I grin at her. “Sebban can catch all the worms for us to use for bait.”
She’s all smiles as she plays on the sandy riverbank, digging with a stick as she searches for fishing worms. I spend every bit of that half hour Renee gave me watching my little girl. I’m in awe that she’s mine. When it’s time to leave, a deep ache forms in my chest. I want to keep her forever. Samantha assures me it’s all being processed properly. It just feels like it’s taking too long. Zella deserves to be here all the time with me. Safe. Happy. Loved.
“Want a piggyback ride?” I ask.
Zella squeals with laughter. “Yes!”
I scoop her up and place her tiny body on my shoulders. She gently holds on to my head unlike the way Sebban will try and claw your eyeballs out. I grip her legs to keep her from falling. We take our time making it back to Renee. When Renee sees us, she grins.
“Had fun?”
“Daddy is going to let me play outside all the time,” Zella tells Renee.
“All the time, huh?” Renee teases. “What about sleep?”
“We can sleep in a tent!” Zella exclaims.
We all laugh. I pull Zella off my shoulders, hugging her to me. She hugs me back, making my eyes tear up.
“It’s all gonna work out,” I murmur, hoping to assure her, but mostly assuring myself. “You have to trust me. Okay?”
I don’t want to let her go.
I have to.
With a quick kiss pressed to her forehead, I set her back down to her feet. “I’ll see you real soon. I promise.”
Her smile fades and the light in her eyes dims.
I take it upon myself to buckle her into her booster seat, saving Renee the trouble. Taking hold of Zella’s small hand, I give it a squeeze.
“Soon,” I vow.
“I don’t want to leave.” Her bottom lip wobbles as fat tears well in her eyes.
“I know. I don’t want you to either.” With emotion clogging my throat, I release her, trying hard not to watch that tear race down her cheek.
As soon as I close the door, Renee drives off. I wave at Zella and then a tear of my own leaks free. I’ve got to get her back.
We both need each other.
My body is trembling, even after I drop down onto my bed. I grab my phone and shoot Penny a text.
Me: I got to see her. She called me Daddy. Fuck. It sickens me to send her back to that motherfucker. Please call me. I fucking miss you.
Penny: I miss you too.
I almost can’t believe she’s responded to me.
Me: You can’t shut me out, baby. Come over.
Penny: Grounded. I have to help unload groceries. Later, Smash.
She’s still being short and distant, but this is a start. I’ve given her space, but I’m about to invade it once again. A world without Penny English feels too empty.
Penny
I can do this.
I can do this.
I can do this.
Terrence texts me, calming me instantly.
Smash: This swing set has a fort and a rock climbing wall. Is it better than the one with the monkey bars?
Me: Fort for sure.
Smash: Thanks, babe.
Anxiety claws its way through me, poking holes in my resolve. I’ve been stressed as hell ever since waking up in Jack’s bed on Monday morning. I made it all the way until Friday without a text from him. Earlier, while in school, I received a request to sit for him again.
Dread consumes me.
I should come clean to Terrence or Dad. Let them know that man moved me into his bed. Has touched me and threatened me and scared the living shit out of me. It would save me the terror of seeing Jack again. They’d forbid me to ever go again and that would be it. I’d be safe.
But what about Zella?
She has no one.
I can’t leave her there with him.
Bitter tears sting my eyes. I want to go to Terrence’s like he’s been begging since Wednesday and crawl into his bed. I want him to hold me together. He fills me with such peace. Without spending time with him all week, I’ve felt anything but peaceful. I’m lost and drifting in a sinking ship, alone and afraid.
Swallowing down all my apprehension, I turn off my Jeep and climb out. Jack’s house seems to pulse with warning. My heart hammers in my chest and a cold sweat breaks out over me. A whine crawls up my throat, but I swallow it down.