Total pages in book: 109
Estimated words: 104252 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 521(@200wpm)___ 417(@250wpm)___ 348(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 104252 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 521(@200wpm)___ 417(@250wpm)___ 348(@300wpm)
Cam was my first, and at one point, I thought he would be the only. Knowing what I’ve chosen to do makes me feel so dirty. Like I betrayed Cam.
“Kayleen?”
I sniffle and run my forearm under my nose. I know I should answer him, but I’m embarrassed. I don’t want him to think I’m a slut.
“Kay, baby, talk to me. What just happened? Did I do something wrong?”
Feeling bad, I turn to leave out of the bathroom. JR stands outside the door, looking concerned and confused. I drop my gaze to the floor, unable to look at him.
Covering my breasts and lady parts, I then try to find my clothes. Our things are thrown around his bedroom floor from our frantic rush to get each other in bed earlier.
“Kay, slow down and talk to me,” JR snaps, bringing me to a halt.
I turn and flop down on the foot of the bed. He comes to sit beside me. I still can’t look at him.
“I’m assuming we moved too fast and now you’re freaking out.”
I nod, still not able to talk. He places his hand on my back and starts to rub circles. I peek up at him.
“I’m sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry. I may have gotten carried away. I’ve had a thing for you for a long time.
“I knew you needed time. I should have thought about that. Listen, I don’t want this to ruin things between us. I want to keep in touch and hang out when I come home,” he says.
“I don’t know. Everything is happening so fast.”
“No disrespect to Cam. He’s always been a good guy. I’m not saying that he doesn’t treat you well.
“It’s just … You said you guys broke up and I took an opportunity. You and Cam have this relationship that’s always felt more like two siblings to me. The way you guys argue all the time.
“It always comes off like two friends or brother and sister. I mean, I fight with my sister all the time the same way. I thought maybe I could show you what it’s like to have a boyfriend you’re not—”
“JR,” I cut him off. “This was really nice. I had fun on the date and all of this.”
I look back at the bed and around the room. The room we just went several rounds in. Several long hot rounds.
I bite my lip, then continue. “You were amazing. I just don’t know that I’m ready to let Cam go. I don’t want to lead you on.”
He sighs and purses his lips but nods his understanding. I don’t know how to feel right now. I want to go home and place distance between what I’ve done.
“We’re good. I’ll give you the time you need. You have my number. If you want to explore us, call me. Let’s get dressed. I’ll take you home,” he says.
“Thanks, JR.”
“No need to thank me. I’ll always be here when you need me. I mean that, Kay. This was about more than sex for me.”
I reach to hug him tight. He’s being so cool about this. A real gentleman.
I feel even worse because he’s being so nice. I can’t help wondering if this is a sign that I need to think more about what I want and not what others want for me. Jareil might not be my mama’s choice, but I don’t think I would be upset if he were mine.
Cameron
I walk into the apartment expecting to find Caleb still on the couch. I look around, but he’s nowhere in sight. My brother must be feeling better.
The mess I made over the few days I was here alone has been cleaned up. There isn’t a thing out of place. I smile.
It’s good to see he’s done something that proves he’s feeling like himself. Aunt Judy always calls me the messy twin. I’ve never seen it like that.
With so much pressure from our mama to be perfect, I’ve always felt it was my job to fuck that up. We were kids, so we should have been able to do kid shit.
My brother’s episodes were never as bad as Mama made them seem. He would adjust once he figured out how to handle situations. The older we got, the more he could adjust.
Isn’t that how it works with kids? It always felt to me like we were acting more like adults than she was. Even Daddy would look annoyed with her shit.
I knew how to rock the boat to get attention off my brother, so I did. A messy room was only one of the things that drove Mama crazy, so I made sure to have one. Caleb, on the other hand, has to have things in order. I bring the chaos for us both.
“We’re going to be okay. We’ll show them all we can make this happen. You and me, bro. We’ll do it our way,” I murmur and head for my room.