Series: Fever Falls Series by Riley Hart
Total pages in book: 96
Estimated words: 92704 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 464(@200wpm)___ 371(@250wpm)___ 309(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92704 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 464(@200wpm)___ 371(@250wpm)___ 309(@300wpm)
He blew in his hands, and I realized he didn’t have his gloves. I wasn’t sure where they had gone, but I found myself tugging mine off and muttering, “Here.”
“You don’t have to. I’m—”
“Please, take them.” He could have been warm in Rex’s arms, but instead he was walking back with me, so it was the least I could do.
Carter plucked the gloves from my hands and put them on. We were quiet again, the wind biting at us for what felt like an eternity before I was unlocking the door to the chalet and letting us inside. We stood in the foyer, taking off layers. Once I was in my jeans and hoodie, I mumbled, “Sorry for, um…everything.” I shoved a hand through my hair and tried not to look at him, but my eyes kept getting drawn back to Carter, damn it.
“Well…I do know one way you can repay me.” His eyes darted down to my dick, and I let out a groan.
“Fuck, do you ever stop?”
“Shit, sorry, sorry. That was a knee-jerk response. Old habits and all. I really wasn’t meaning to make you uncomfortable.”
“Whatever,” I replied and turned my back to him, making my way toward the kitchen.
“Jesus, I never know which way is up with you! I’m trying here, but you don’t make it easy. One minute you hate me, and the next you’re acting jealous when you see me sucking cock. You brush me off, and then you flirt, and you’re playing nude beer pong, and then running away. I can’t keep up with you!”
Anger spiked through me, making my skin too hot. I whipped around to face him again. “Me? You’re the one who’s all over the damn place! You can’t decide who you want to flirt with or who you want to have sex with. It’s like everything’s a big fucking game to you! I spent my life being a goddamned game to people. Whether it was the kids who picked on me in high school because it was so fucking funny to tease the quiet kid, or—As long as Camden Burke didn’t know about it, Sawyer Burke was fair game.”
“Sawyer… I…” Carter started, but I shook my head, held up my hand to stop him. My brain was screaming at me to shut up, to walk away. I didn’t do this. I didn’t lose control, and I sure as shit didn’t share my insecurities, but now that I started, it was like I couldn’t stop. There was this pressure inside me, like I was a soda can that had been shaken and then opened, only there was no lid to put on me again.
“Then in college, things were going to get better. I was going to get the fuck out of Fever Falls and make my own way and do my own thing. And then I met Julian, and he was every fucking thing I wasn’t—confident and funny, flirtatious and proud. He was magnetic and perfect and he wanted me, Carter. He wanted me, and I didn’t believe him at first. I held off because what in the fuck would this man who could have any guy he wanted, want with me? He kept going, though, kept flirting, and finally I thought, maybe…just maybe. He’d fucked me once before I caught him with his tongue down someone else’s throat, but I went back. Jesus, I was so fucking dumb, and I took him back, because how could I say no to someone like Julian? He’d flirt with other men in front of me and make me feel small, and I let him do it.”
No matter how much I tried to stop them, the words just kept coming. “And it was always my fault. If I were a better fuck, or not so uptight, then I’d be enough for him. He always made me feel like I was doing something wrong, and if only I could be better, he would stay faithful. When I wanted to walk away, he’d always reel me back in, tell me he was sorry and he loved me, and I’d cave again. And the last time? I said no to a threesome, and then when I walked in on him with someone else, he asked if I wanted to join, and they laughed. I was nothing but a fucking game to him, and I won’t be a game to you or anyone else again!”
The whole damn room was spinning. This weight lifted off my shoulders, but then it was replaced with shame. What the fuck had I done? Why had I admitted all that shit to Carter? “I gotta…I gotta go,” I said, but Carter stepped in front of me, blocking my way.
“I’m really sorry that happened to you. Julian is an asshole, but I’m not him. You think you’re a game to me? I make everything a game to me, Saw, because if I’m not serious, I can’t get hurt. Things weren’t easy for me either. I bounced around all my life as my mom went from bad boyfriend to bad boyfriend, none of them giving a shit about me. So I bailed when I was sixteen, fucked and did drugs so I could forget. And when I finally thought I had my shit together, I tried the whole dating thing. Enough to know it wasn’t for me. People cheat, use, abuse. One after another, they let you down, and after I started PAing for an exec in LA, I found out how easy it was to get all the sex I wanted minus any of the bullshit that comes with something more. I didn’t know about Julian, obviously, I didn’t know you’d been through all that, but these games you say I play? They’re the best defense I have.”