Total pages in book: 129
Estimated words: 120165 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 601(@200wpm)___ 481(@250wpm)___ 401(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 120165 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 601(@200wpm)___ 481(@250wpm)___ 401(@300wpm)
“Look, it’s okay,” I said. “They’re not what you think.”
My friends stared at me in amazement.
“They do a lot of good, too,” I said. “They protect people.”
More stares. Jen put her hand on mine, shaking her head slowly. They thought I’d been brainwashed, and I understood why. If you’d told me a few weeks ago that I’d be defending a mafia boss, I’d have thought I was crazy, too.
“It’s okay,” I said again, more softly. I looked around at each of them. “I swear it is. Okay?”
Jen stared at me. “Oh God. You’re in love with him. Really in love with him.”
I glanced towards Radimir’s office. The door was closed: the men couldn’t hear. “Yes,” I said quietly.
Everyone leaned in. “Does he love you?” whispered Jen.
That was exactly what I’d been asking myself. I knew he cared for me. He felt responsible for me, protective of me. But did he love me? “I don’t know,” I whispered helplessly. I sighed and closed my eyes. “Look...you don’t have to come to the wedding.”
“Are you kidding?” asked Jen. I opened my eyes and she was staring at me, horrified. “We’re not going to let you go through this on your own!” The other girls were nodding.
I felt tears burning my eyes and I leaned forward, pressing our foreheads together and then pulling them all into a hug. I should have told them from the start.
Radimir and I drove them all home. Jen was the last one to be dropped off and as I moved in to hug her goodbye, she poked me hard in the ribs.
“Ow! Jesus!” I yelped.
“That’s for making me think you’d been secretly seeing him for months and not telling me.” She poked me on the other side. “That’s for not telling me the truth.”
“Ow, okay!”
She threw her arms around me and hugged me tight. “And this is me telling you to be careful.”
The tension between us evaporated and I felt the crack in our friendship heal. I nodded against her shoulder and squeezed her back hard.
By the time Radimir and I got back to the penthouse, it was almost four in the morning. I stumbled through the door, exhausted and shaky. Before that night, I’d never even seen a gun in real life. Now I was a target, because of who I was marrying.
“I’m not ready for this life,” I thought. Only I was so tired, I mumbled it out loud.
Radimir turned to me. He’d been quiet ever since we left the bar, scowling and brooding, and now that we were alone, I could see the anger he’d been bottling up. “I know,” he whispered, putting his hands on my shoulders. “I know you’re not. I’m sorry.”
Sorry?! “You saved me!”
A curt little shake of his head. “I’m the reason you were in danger.”
I studied his face. This wasn’t the cold rage that had been in his eyes when he killed the Armenians. This was dark and poisonous...and turned inward. No! It wasn’t your fault! I put a hand on that big, broad chest but he looked away.
“What do you need?” he asked stiffly. “How can I make you feel better? Do you need sleep? A drink?”
I was too tired and freaked out to think straight, but my mind was spinning too fast for sleep. “Could you just...hold me?” I asked, my voice quavering.
He closed his eyes for a second and he seemed to crumple, as if I’d slipped a knife through a crack in his armor. He nodded and scooped me up. For once, I didn’t complain.
He carried me over to the couch and sat down, cradling me to his chest. I closed my eyes and he stroked my hair, whispering softly in Russian until I fell asleep.
38
RADIMIR
It’s alright. Everything is going to be okay. I’ll take care of you. I whispered the words over and over until her breathing slowed and she fell asleep. And then I kept whispering them into the silent room, as if trying to convince myself. But it was a lie.
Everything was not alright. It was not going to be okay. And I wasn’t sure I could take care of her.
I sat there glaring into the darkness. The anger had returned, boiling up inside me, burning through all the ice that keeps everything locked down. I was furious, not just at myself but at—I looked around the penthouse—at all of it, at the Bratva, at my whole world. It had nearly killed her and for that, I wanted to rip it all down.
But the anger was just the emotion that escaped, like lava that bubbles up to the surface. It was coming from somewhere down deep, a hot, burning core that had been growing for weeks, that got denser and hotter every time I tried to crush it down. The horror of nearly losing her made me finally face up to it...