Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 80302 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 402(@200wpm)___ 321(@250wpm)___ 268(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 80302 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 402(@200wpm)___ 321(@250wpm)___ 268(@300wpm)
“Would friends have the conversation with erections?”
I drop my eyes to the front of his jeans when he adds the s to erections.
Yep. Shit. We’re both standing at attention.
“I’ve never done that to someone,” he says after a long pause.
“Why did you lick your lips when you said it?” I ask, unable to give the man even the slightest amount of reprieve. “Are you picturing it? Your mouth wrapped around my cock? My cum coating that perfect pink tongue of yours? I’d let you if that’s what you wanted, Alex. Do you want to stuff that thick cock of yours in my ass? Want my cock in yours? All you have to do is say the words, and I’d help you live out every fantasy you’ve ever had.”
He remains silent, his eyes locked on mine, as if looking away would be some admission of defeat.
“Do you ever want to just forget all of it?” I ask after a long moment. “The worry? The judgment? The fear of where your soul will end up?”
“All the time,” he whispers. “I’m not even religious anymore. I don’t pray other than to something nameless each night that I wake up a different person. That either I accept who I know I am or I wake up wanting what I’m expected to want.”
“Who expects it besides yourself?”
He shakes his head. “No one, I suppose. I’ve had this argument with myself more times than I can count. I know there aren’t people in my close circle that would judge me. I know I could show up hand in hand at the clubhouse with a man and it wouldn’t be an oddity.”
A man, not me. The clarification stings more than it probably should.
“I’m sorry I said those things. I sometimes have a problem stopping once I get started. I’m serious about wanting to be your friend, but I think it’s best that you know that I also find you ridiculously fucking hot. I’m incredibly attracted to you, and I’m willing to be your experimental partner if that’s what you’re looking for.”
He scoffs again, and I’m beginning to hate the sound coming from him. “I’m not looking to experiment with anyone but thank you for the offer.”
“You remember the story I told at the domestic violence event?”
“How could I ever forget? And while apologies are being spoken, I—”
I hold my hand up. “It’s not necessary. I can see how it looks, but tracking you down at Target? Seriously?”
He gives me a weak smile. “It wasn’t one of my finer moments.”
“Back to my story, you do realize that religious grooming is just as real and widely used as the type of grooming I went through, right?”
“I’m well aware. I also don’t know if I’ll ever be able to let go of it. Scholastically, I know that men being involved with men isn’t wrong. I don’t look at other same-sex couples and think they’re disgusting. I don’t picture them burning in Hell for their choices. But when I put myself in their shoes, that’s all I see.”
“Was kissing me tonight painful for you?”
“Of course not,” he answers without hesitation.
“Were you disgusted with yourself for touching me?”
He shakes his head. “But there’s a very good chance that I will be when I wake alone in the morning.”
“Then don’t wake alone,” I tell him, shifting my weight until I’m under the covers.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m tired as hell,” I tell him as I pull back the covers and open my arms. “Maybe what you need is immersion therapy. Maybe getting used to something until it feels normal is what you need. I think holding you until you’re okay with being close to a man is exactly what you need.”
“That could take an eternity,” he says.
“Well, if it takes that long, I’ll have to make arrangements at work to have more time off.”
He watches me for a while, but I wasn’t lying when I told him I was tired. I received the delivery truck this morning, and we had that long-ass drive to Denver.
Eventually my arms fall, my eyes drifting closed.
The bed dips at some point, and I don’t hesitate to reach for him, smiling against the back of his neck when he turns rigid in my arms. At least he took this first step. Now if I could only convince my dick that I’m being helpful and that this isn’t an open invitation to see how far I can make this man go.
His quiet sobs are unmistakable, but I don’t pull away. Much to my surprise, he doesn’t try to escape either.
Chapter 15
Boomer
I woke several times in the night with the urge to run as far and as fast away as I could manage, but I stayed, wrapped in his arms, having at some point turned over in my sleep so my head is now on his chest rather than him at my back.