Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 82132 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 411(@200wpm)___ 329(@250wpm)___ 274(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82132 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 411(@200wpm)___ 329(@250wpm)___ 274(@300wpm)
“Yes. That’s right.” Tears flow down his cheeks. “No one gets it. No one understands. It’s like everyone else can go on like they’re not worried that another one of us is going to be plucked away. Carter is too little to understand it, I guess. But I feel like I’m the only one worrying about it—the only one trying to keep us safe.”
“I get it.”
“How?” He wipes his nose with the back of his hand. “How do you get it?”
I exhale and sit down on the couch again.
I don’t want to go here with Dylan—I don’t want to go here at all. But it’s the only way for him to understand that I get it. And that I’m not the enemy.
“Years ago, I met a woman with a little baby girl. We fell in love, and she moved in with me. And I raised that little girl like my own child for many years.”
Dylan’s tears slow as he listens.
“Izzy, that was the little girl’s name, wasn’t my blood daughter, but damn it if I didn’t love her like she was. She couldn’t have been more mine. I would’ve done anything for her—I would’ve died for her.”
“What happened to her?”
I sigh. “Things didn’t work out between me and her mother. And her mom moved her across the country and refused to let me talk to her again. Because I’m not her biological dad, I don’t have any rights. If I pressured her to let me see Izzy, it would’ve made things a lot worse for all of us—most of all for Izzy.”
“So, what? You never see her again? That’s bullshit, Jay.”
“I know.” I smile at him. “It is bullshit, and it hurt me like no pain I’ve ever felt. And for years, I felt like I couldn’t survive that again. I walled myself off, steaming with anger, and refused to let anyone close to me. It felt safer to keep everyone at arm’s length rather than to let them in and risk that kind of devastation.”
“How did you get over it?”
I laugh softly. “Your mom fell off your deck. Your little brother kept coming by to use my pumper.”
He cocks his head to the side, absorbing my words. And for the first time, I think Dylan is listening.
And for the first time, I think I’m listening to myself.
I didn’t just get over it from Gabrielle and Carter. I got over it because of Dylan too.
My heart tightens as I look at him. “Do you know what else helped me?”
“What’s that?”
“You.” I grin. “I didn’t realize it until this moment, but you are like looking in the mirror in a lot of ways.”
“We don’t look anything alike.”
I chuckle. “No, we don’t. But your anger and defiance and . . .” I scoot to the edge of the couch. “Do you know how you use being pissed off to keep everyone away from you? No one will approach a guy who looks like he wants to bite their head off. Right?”
His face sobers, and I know I’ve hit the nail on the head.
I talk faster. “That’s me, Dylan. Or it’s been me, anyway. You’ve been through some shit and have every right to be mad at the world. When I look at you, I see that pain and I hate it for you. I want you to let some of it go and enjoy your life. You’re just a kid. There’s so much more to life for you, and I know your dad would want you to enjoy it. Your mom would do anything for you to be happy. Hell, Dylan—I want you to enjoy it.”
“You don’t think that Izzy would want you to enjoy your life?”
Fucking kid. Wetness dots the corners of my eyes. “I do. And it wasn’t until I met you that I could see that perspective. You’ve helped me whether you know it or not, and I want to be there for you.”
“So how do I get through being pissed off all the time?” he asks. “How do I stop feeling like I want to punch everyone? I don’t want to fight with my mom all the time. I want to be another kid at school and not be the one that everyone expects to screw up. And I don’t want to live with this . . . this twisted-up pain in my stomach every day either. But I don’t know what to do.”
I rest my elbows on my knees and smile at the kid who just taught me a lesson without meaning to.
“The only way to get through it, Dylan, is to look around at what you still have. Your mom would do anything in the world for you. Every decision she makes is done after she analyzes from ten directions to make sure it won’t hurt you and Carter.”