Total pages in book: 67
Estimated words: 64320 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 322(@200wpm)___ 257(@250wpm)___ 214(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 64320 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 322(@200wpm)___ 257(@250wpm)___ 214(@300wpm)
I used to do this when my parents passed. I used to write to them like I did when I was a kid at camp. After they died, I’d write to them telling them how angry I was. I begged them, pleading with them to come back.
It’s not fair that Evan is alive and says he wants me, when a very large piece of my heart feels like I’ve lost him forever.
Please, Evan. Please come back to me.
Just as I delete all the words, not sending him a single message, my phone rings. It’s a number I don’t recognize, and I let it ring again in my hand before answering it. “Hello?”
“Hello. This is Dr. Pierce. Is this Katerina Thompson?”
“Yes, can I help you?” The nervousness wracks through my voice at the knowledge that there’s a unfamiliar doctor on the line.
I’m so sorry to call you, but Mr. Thompson’s phone has you listed as his daughter. Is that right?”
I’m confused at first, imagining that Evan’s in the hospital, but then I realize it’s his father, Henry, who the doctor is referring to.
“Is he in the hospital?” The question comes out hurriedly as I sit up straighter, my mind waking up from the fog it was just in. Rather than correcting the doctor and telling him I’m Henry’s daughter-in-law and soon-to-be ex-daughter-in-law at that, I rush the next question out without waiting for a response to the first. “Is everything all right?”
The doctor exhales on the other end of the line, but it’s not out of exhaustion or boredom. It’s the type of sound that accompanies bad news. The kind of sigh that says, I’m so sorry, I wish I didn’t have to tell you.
No. No, no, no. Denial overwhelms me.
“I would like to first apologize for having to break this news to you over the phone,” the doctor says, and I’m taken back to middle school. Sitting down in the principal’s office, wondering what I did. I sat there, my legs swinging nervously as he brought in the secretary, then gave me such a sad look before leaving the room. He was so sorry to tell me. They’re always so sorry to tell you.
No one wants to be in the room when you learn your parents have died. No one wants to be the person to tell you. I could see it in Mrs. Carsen’s eyes.
“Sorry to tell me what?” I ask with caution, but my body is already prepared for it. My heart feels both swollen and hollow, and my head light with denial. I lower myself to the floor, my hand shaking as I hold the phone to my ear.
“Mr. Thompson suffered a blood clot, and unfortunately it traveled to his lungs.”
I remember the way the bell rang as I cried and the other students ran through the halls, going about their lives and not knowing my life had changed forever in that moment.
The same agonizing pain rips through me and tears fall freely as I end the call.
He can’t be dead. Not Henry. I just talked to him; a voice in my head whispers the reminder.
He was the only dad I had, and I threw him away. He was supposed to be with me tonight. Like he wanted.
If I had met with him, if I hadn’t blown him off … Regret consumes me.
I can hardly breathe as the phone drops next to me and I cover my face. He didn’t deserve to die. It’s an odd thing to think because it means others do. But Evan’s father should still be here. He wasn’t supposed to go. Not yet.
My body shudders as I hold back a sob.
I’ve cried so many tears over the past weeks. So many shed on my pillow, in my hands, soaking into my heated skin.
These tears are different.
It’s not from a fear of loss. It’s not because I’m disappointed in myself. It’s not even because I’m hopeless.
When you shed tears over something that’s truly gone, those are the tears that never leave you. They drown your soul and take a piece of your heart. That’s what death does.
I have to force myself to text Evan once I’ve finished speaking with the doctor. Call me as soon as you can, please. It’s urgent, Evan. I can’t help that I add, I love you. I’m not conflicted about adding it either, because I do.
I can’t tell Evan the news over the phone, though. I want to be there for him. To hold him and ease the pain. Even more, I need him to hold me right now.
I hesitate but then add, It’s about your father.
The phone shifts out of focus as my eyes blur and my hand shakes, but I hear it ping after only a small moment.
It’s not Evan, though, it’s Jake. Hey, you want to grab coffee?