Total pages in book: 67
Estimated words: 63195 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 316(@200wpm)___ 253(@250wpm)___ 211(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 63195 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 316(@200wpm)___ 253(@250wpm)___ 211(@300wpm)
“One last time. Please, just once more. I love you, Kat. I swear I’ve never loved anyone like I love you. And maybe it’s not enough to keep you, but for tonight?”
Again I don’t trust myself to speak. I’m not sure what words would pass through my lips. But I know what I want and I lean forward to take it, spearing my fingers through his hair and pressing my lips to his. It’s only when I feel the wetness against our lips that I realize I was crying.
I let him hold me, and I try my best to remember every detail.
The way he smells, masculine like fresh pine and dew.
The way his heart beats just a bit faster than mine as I rest my palm against his hard chest.
I try to remember everything. I pray that I will, because even though he said he can make it right, I know he can’t. I know that time will aid in the growing distance between us. I know we’re leading two different lives.
I know I need more, and that I deserve someone who won’t hide things from me and make me feel like I’ve lost myself.
So I need to remember this, because I want it to be the last time.
Not for him, not for us, but for me.
Evan
Don’t throw me away, don’t tell me you’re through.
Don’t stop loving me, I can’t live without you.
That ring on your finger, that makes you my wife.
You’re my everything, my love and my life.
I didn’t mean it when I said one last time. It’s the same way an addict is desperate for more and will say anything to get it. All I have to do is be next to her when she needs a single thing. Anything. Just one small crack in her armor. At least that’s what I keep hoping for.
It’s what’s keeping me from dissolving into the nothingness I feel in my hollow chest.
I wonder if she’ll get over me before that time comes. If the few years we had together was enough to make her love me even when she doesn’t want to. That’s all I keep thinking about as I stare at her sleeping form. There’s only a thin sheet over her gorgeous body, hiding it from me. Her back is toward me as she lies on her side, her hair fanned out along the pillow. I’ve been awake for hours; I’m not even sure I slept at all.
It feels like it’s over, but that can’t be true. I can’t let her go this easily and walk away. But somehow it doesn’t feel like letting her go. It feels like I don’t have her anymore. Like I don’t even have the option to keep her anymore.
A sudden buzz from my phone vibrating on the nightstand strips my thoughts from me and causes Kat to stir next to me.
I keep my eyes on her as I reach for it. She slowly turns to look over her shoulder and then looks away, pulling the sheet tighter around her. Closing herself off from me.
There’s a heaviness on my chest as I let it sink in that she doesn’t belong to me anymore. The bed dips as Kat pulls the sheet with her and walks quietly to the bathroom.
I would think my life couldn’t get any lower than this, but the text from James mocks that thought.
My hands rake over my face as the phone drops and I inhale deeply, grateful Kat left when she did. There’s still so much shit that I need to fix and make right. So much damage I’ve caused that’s leaving cracks under each and every footstep I take.
Come to the office.
I stare at the text as Kat flicks on the light switch in the bathroom, the warm yellow hue filtering from under the closed door. She turns on the water as I toss the phone down.
James can go fuck himself.
It’s like he knew I’d think that, because the second the phone drops to the nightstand, it goes off again.
It’s not about work. You know what it’s about.
I was given new information today.
The texts come one after the other in rapid speed and it makes adrenaline slowly pour into my veins, breathing life into me.
The creak of the bathroom door opening and the light switching off forces me to look up at Kat. She slipped on a robe in the bathroom. It’s some sort of black and pink kimono from a bachelorette party I think. I’ve never seen her wear it but it’s been hung up by the towels for years. I guess it’s all she could find in there to hide herself from me.
She doesn’t return my gaze and I can already see that she regrets last night.
Our last night.
I refuse to let it be true. I refuse to give up. But I’ll give her time since that’s what she thinks she needs.