Total pages in book: 62
Estimated words: 61953 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 310(@200wpm)___ 248(@250wpm)___ 207(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 61953 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 310(@200wpm)___ 248(@250wpm)___ 207(@300wpm)
“I can make you pancakes. I know they’re your favorite.”
“Pancakes are always a yes from me.”
“All right,” he said, pulling away to get out of bed.
“But wait!” I said, throwing myself on him again. “I’m not ready for you to leave yet.”
“Food or more snuggles?”
“Yes!” I cried.
He chuckled and wrapped me up again. “You’re a conundrum.”
“I want both, dammit!”
“You can have snuggles as long as you want, but I’m going to feed you. Otherwise, you get hangry.”
“Don’t act like you know me.”
His face warmed. “Oh, but I do.”
I put my hands to his stubble. “I guess you do.”
He kissed me one more time and then pulled out of the bed. He slid warm clothes back on, then tossed me his Yale sweatshirt, which I pulled back over my head as he headed out. He stopped when he looked out the window.
“Holy shit!”
“What?” I asked.
“The snow is insane. I wonder if we’ll even be able to get out of here to get you back to the lodge.”
“That doesn’t sound like a hardship.”
Chase reached for his phone and clicked around. “Yeah. Winter weather advisory. No one is supposed to leave. Guess you’re stuck with me.”
“There are worse things,” I said as I reached for my phone and scrolled. Yep. There was a winter advisory in my messages, too. “Sounds serious.”
“Good thing the house is filled with staples.”
“Yeah,” I said, clicking over to my email.
And then I stopped breathing.
“Oh,” I whispered.
“What? Everything okay?”
“Um…”
But I couldn’t say anything. I hovered over the email from Harvard Law. I’d applied to a ton of law schools, but Harvard was the deal. It was what my father had made the priority. So I’d applied, never thinking I’d get in. I hadn’t even thought about it in months.
Now, I had the decision in my inbox.
They had rolling admissions that began in January. I hadn’t thought that I’d hear until April. Was it good or bad that I was hearing now?
“Harley?” Chase asked, worry in his voice.
“I have my Harvard decision in my inbox.”
“Already?” he asked in shock. “What does it say?”
I shook my head. Worry settled in my gut. I couldn’t open it. I didn’t want to know. Because no meant I wasn’t good enough. Never a thing a perfectionist could stomach.
But yes…
Yes was so much worse.
Yes meant going to Cambridge in the fall. Yes meant letting my dad pay for my degree. Yes meant leaving Chase.
“Harley? Did you get in?”
“I…I don’t know,” I said. “I can’t open it.”
“Do you want me to?”
I swallowed back the terror I felt at the momentous decision. The real fear that crept up my spine and made me feel sick to my stomach. I didn’t want to know.
“Maybe I don’t have to look right now.”
“Hey, it’s going to be fine. If you don’t get in, there’re other schools.”
He had no idea that no was a much better alternative to yes. That yes was my real fear. Because I’d never told him about the deal with my dad. That it had opened a door I’d once firmly shut.
And through it, he’d slithered in like the snake he was. Sending me pamphlets about the program. Messaging me about essays and test scores. Offering to pay for an expensive LSAT course for the final test that I could take. Even though my July score was good enough for basically anywhere. But that wasn’t the point. The money was the point. Every interaction only made me feel worse about agreeing to this.
“Harley, you’re shaking,” he said softly. He sank down onto the bed next to me. “Are you okay?”
I gripped the comforter with one hand. I needed to stop this. It was outrageous. I needed to buck up and find out how I’d done.
I took a deep breath and opened the email.
Dear Ms. Wright,
I am delighted to inform you that the Committee on Admissions has admitted you to Harvard Law School. Please accept my personal congratulations…
“Oh,” I whispered again.
“Oh good? Or oh bad?”
“I got in.”
Chase jumped up with a huge smile on his face. “Congratulations! Harley, oh my God, that’s fucking incredible!”
I looked up at him. The wonder and excitement on his face. I’d gotten into the best law school in the country. Everything I’d worked for had finally come to fruition. And he was happy for me.
Of course he was happy for me.
He wanted the best for me.
But I couldn’t seem to fake it. I couldn’t force the joy that radiated off him. There was no happy for me in this. Somehow, it had all gotten twisted until I wasn’t even sure this was what I wanted.
Chase’s smile slowly pulled down. “Harley?”
I burst into tears.
“Hey, hey, hey,” he said, sinking back onto the bed and pulling me into his arms. “What’s this?”
“I got in,” I said like the tragedy it was.
I bent forward at the waist and lay in his lap as deep, racking cries arrested my chest. I couldn’t see through the tears. Or breathe through the hiccupping sobs. Or feel anything as I hyperventilated. I hadn’t even known I had been holding all of this in until it erupted out of me like a volcano.