Total pages in book: 95
Estimated words: 85183 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85183 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
I swallow hard and nod. God, I wish he was here, so much.
I leave the nursery quickly, before my emotions get the better of me and follow him down the hallway. He points to a door and drops my bags outside it. "Well, here's the master bedroom. I'll be outside smoking."
I walk through the door. The room is huge. A four-poster bed sits in the middle, draped in white gossamer. It's simple but beautiful. I drop my bag on the bed and move to the shuttered doors on the far side of the room. When I pull them open, I see a balcony outside that overlooks the beach. I lean on the railing and take a minute to absorb it all. The warm sun touches my face, the slight breeze blowing my hair. I love this place, but being here reminds me that this was supposed to be mine and Jude's happily ever after. He should be here, and he's not, he never will be.
That thought tears at my heart. I grip the railing hard enough that the wood bites into my palm.
I have to accept it, and move on, for both my sake and our child. I have to accept it, and yet, I don't think I ever truly can. Part of me thinks it would be easier if he were dead. Knowing he's there, but never being able to touch him again, it's the worst kind of torture.
Two months later...
I'm lying on the beach, reading a book when I hear the rumble of a car engine in the drive. I get up and make my way back to the house. The fine sand slips between my toes as I walk.
"Marney!" I shout as I step back inside the house. My voice echoes off the high ceilings.
"In here," he grunts. He sounds like he's struggling with something.
Marney curses under his breath. He glances up as he pulls a large box from one of the plastic bags and tosses it onto the counter. "Diapers. Might as well go ahead and buy those." He looks at me and smiles. "Now, close your eyes for this one, little darlin'." I do as I’m told and hear the bags rustling. "A'ight. Open 'em up." When I open my eyes, I see Marney standing there holding out a onesie. A pink camouflage onesie. I press my lips together, trying not to laugh. Where the hell did he even find that?
"That's cute. Thanks, Marney." He smiles wide, the corners of his eyes wrinkling.
"I liked it. Hell, I couldn't find one with a gun on it. So I thought this was just 'bout as good." He tosses it on top of the diapers. "What do you want for dinner?"
This has become my life. I can't complain. It's beautiful here, and Marney is like a father to me in an odd way. Well, apart from the fact that he's spent his entire life killing people, but I like to think that doesn't define him as a person. Beneath his rough exterior, he's as soft as they come. He looks after me, and in a strange way, he makes me feel close to Jude. I know Jude told him to look after me.
A few moments of awkward silence pass before Marney clears his throat. "You thought of any names for her yet?" I shake my head. "Hmm." He dumps a box of noodles into the pot. "You're gonna have to name it. What about Marlene?" he chuckles to himself.
I cough, trying to cover my laugh. "Um, yeah, maybe. I kind of think I'll know when I see her." Honestly, the entire concept is still a struggle for me. At the moment, I have this thing inside me, this bump, but it will be a little person. My mind can't quite grasp the fact, so until that little person is in fact here, and no longer a blob, it shall remain nameless.
The phone rings. Marney reaches across the island to answer it. "Hello?" His eyes set on me, and he smiles. "Well, 'bout damn time boy. How ya been?" He stands there just listening for minutes, then clears his throat. "Yeah, about that... hang on just a second." He pulls the phone away from his ear and holds it out to me. "Take it," he nods.
I press the phone to my ear. "Hello?" I ask tentatively.
There 's silence. Just breathing. "What the... Tor?" His voice is so low, so raspy.
"Jude." For a second I choke, my heart racing, and then I remember his letter, and I get angry, really fucking angry. "You fucking arsehole!" I snap. "This is the last time you will hear from me. Really? Well, fuck you!"
He laughs. "So feisty..."
I growl down the phone at him. "I swear to God, Jude, I would kill you myself..." I take a deep breath. "You don't get to make that choice for me. You didn't even call."