Total pages in book: 143
Estimated words: 132834 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 664(@200wpm)___ 531(@250wpm)___ 443(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 132834 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 664(@200wpm)___ 531(@250wpm)___ 443(@300wpm)
When I woke, he was gone, as usual. I rolled over, finding his pillow wrapped in my arms, as it so often was since he’d started spending the night. Every morning when he left, I assumed my subconscious prompted me to reach for his pillow, still warm and smelling of Finn, and cuddle it until I woke up, holding him close even after he was gone.
Even as I had the thought, I pushed the pillow away. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go.
I wanted to keep a distance from Finn. That was the smart way to do this. Keep it simple. Stay detached. It was sex, not something more. But I couldn’t forget the way he held me, how he listened when I said I didn’t want to talk, had taken care of me exactly the way I needed to be taken care of.
Aside from my mother, no one had taken care of me in a very long time. Maybe not since I was pregnant with Nicky and Oliver nursed me through morning sickness.
I don’t need anyone to take care of me, I tried to tell myself, but it sounded false, even inside my head.
No, maybe I didn’t need someone to take care of me. Maybe I could do it all on my own. But did I want to? I’d been so sure the answer was a resounding yes. I was a one-woman island, capable of amazing feats with zero help. Grabbing Finn’s pillow and snuggling it deeper into my chest, I listened to the soft sounds of Nicky moving below, padding up the stairs to me. I snagged my robe from where I’d dropped it on the floor, sliding it on before Nicky made it up the stairs. This was what was important. Nicky. Our him-and-me little family. This was all I needed.
As a drowsy Nicky climbed into my bed and snuggled in for that last bit of sleep, I tried to tell myself I had all I wanted from life. Great job, a wonderful place to live, good friends, and my perfect, sweet, amazing son. How could I want more? Wasn’t all this good enough? It should be. I’d figure out how to handle Lydia, and then we’d be fine. Better than fine. We’d be on the top of the world.
I couldn’t stop the flash of memory. Oliver, in the early days, when we’d been so deeply in love. His smile. His laugh when I told him I was pregnant. He’d been over the moon, so excited to be a father.
I’d had more once. Once upon a time, I had everything. Losing it had almost killed me.
I didn’t need more. Not again. What I already had was plenty. It would have to be. I wouldn’t survive a loss like that a second time.
I kissed Nicky on the top of his head, resolving to thank Finn for being cool and leave it at that. Just because he was nice didn’t mean I had to make a thing about it.
“Come on, baby doll, it’s time to get ready for school.”
Nicky grumbled, and we fell into our usual morning rhythm, the cottage feeling empty, even with the two of us there. I told myself it didn’t matter. Nicky and I had each other. That was everything we needed. It had to be. I didn’t have room inside my heart for anything, anyone, else who could leave me broken. Not again. Never again.
Chapter Thirty-Six
SAVANNAH
The woman sitting on the other side of Griffen’s desk might just be the answer to our nanny problem. I had my fingers crossed. Paige McKenna was smiling, composed, and calm, her hands folded in her lap, her dark hair in a low ponytail. She had several years of nannying experience, loved children, and had spent the past few years teaching kindergarten. She’d said that while she loved being in the classroom, she missed being part of a family, and she was looking for something more domestic.
Over the years, she’d vacationed in Western North Carolina, loved the area, and was thrilled at the prospect of settling down here. Just as important as the rest of her qualifications, she’d passed Hawk and Griffen’s stringent security checks.
“Well,” Hope said brightly, “I think I’ve asked all my questions. Do you have any more of your own, Paige?”
Paige shook her head, her smile cranking up from pleasant to match Hope’s happy grin. “This feels like it would be a good fit for me. Are you sure you’re all right with me not living in the house at first?”
Hope nodded. “I think that’s sensible. I can understand wanting a little personal space, and, to be honest, we’re not ready to house you here quite yet.” Hope looked to me for confirmation.
“We could put something together if you preferred to be in the house,” I said, “But it would be rough. We’re still having some issues with the electricity and plumbing in the guest wing. Hope’s former apartment in town is charming and cozy and a quick drive from the Manor.”