Total pages in book: 104
Estimated words: 102016 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 510(@200wpm)___ 408(@250wpm)___ 340(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 102016 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 510(@200wpm)___ 408(@250wpm)___ 340(@300wpm)
“Good. I do, too. I love spending time with you and your daddy, but I also love it when you and I get time alone, like we have recently. Even though I miss your dad when he works so much, I love it that I get to be with you, you know?”
Birdie nods and releases my hand so she can reach down to pet Pickles.
“Yeah, me, too. Now, I don’t have a bunch of different babysitters all the time, and I get to stay home with you when Daddy’s working.”
“Yeah, unless we decide to go somewhere. Do you still like being in my class? Because that’s a lot of time together.”
“I love school.” Her eyes are starting to get droopy. “Our class is so much fun, and Ariel is my best friend.”
The two little girls have become close, spending recess together and eating lunch together, as well. They’re adorable.
“I like Ariel, too.”
Birdie nods. “Ariel has a mommy and a daddy.”
Ah, here we go.
“Yes, I’ve met them, and they’re very nice people. Has Ariel told you about them?”
She nods again. “Sometimes, a kid can live with both their mommy and daddy, but sometimes they only live with one of them.”
“Sometimes, yes.”
“But I live with my dad and you. Together.”
I press my lips together and nod, wanting to pull this sweet baby in for a big hug.
“So, does that make you my mommy?”
Oh, my heart.
“Well, I think that’s a good question, sweetie. I love you so much, my whole body is bursting with it. You are such an incredible person, a wonderful little girl, and I’m so grateful that you’re in my life. Do you know that I love you?”
“Of course.” She frowns up at me, the immediate acceptance of my feelings humbling me. “You tell us all the time that you love us.”
“Because I do, and I want to make sure you know it. That you never forget it. If we ever get to a place where you call me Mommy, it will make me the happiest person in the whole world. No one means more to me than you and your dad. I think we make a really great little family, don’t we?”
“We’re pretty much the best.” I love her confidence so much.
Birdie yawns again and settles into her pillow.
“I’m sleepy.”
“Go to sleep, sweetheart. You get to sleep in tomorrow. No school, remember?”
“Yeah. Good night.”
“’Night, pumpkin.”
I sit with her for a few moments longer, making sure that she’s out cold before I leave her room, pulling the door most of the way shut behind me.
Talk about an arrow to the heart.
That little girl has managed to work her way into my heart and soul, and I don’t think that I could love her any more if I’d given birth to her.
She’s important to me. She’s a part of me.
As I glance outside, I can see that the moon is out, and it’s been a while since I laid on the driveway to watch the stars and do my meditation. I bundle up in warm clothes, complete with a Bitterroot Valley Fire Department hoodie of Bridger’s, then wrap myself in a blanket and pad out to the driveway.
It’s chilly, but I don’t mind. The sky is clear, and there must be trillions of stars out this evening.
Lying on my back, I look up and watch a satellite make its way across the sky. The conversation with Birdie is still fresh in my mind. Am I her mommy? It feels like it, and not just because I take care of her so much, filling that physical role. I feel an attachment, a connection to Birdie that I never expected. I love her so fiercely; there isn’t anything that I wouldn’t do for her.
Staring up at the stars, I start my affirmations.
I am a good teacher.
I am a good person.
I am worthy of love.
I am a good partner to Bridger.
I take a long, deep breath, pulling in the crisp night air, and then exhale as I hear a vehicle turn onto the street.
The door shuts, and then there’s footsteps, and Bridger’s looking down at me.
“It’s too cold out here, kitten.”
“Nah, it’s not bad. Come on, get under my blanket with me.” I hold it open for him, and Bridger shakes his head.
“I won’t have you getting sick. I have the next best thing.” He reaches down and helps me onto my feet, and then he leads me through the house and out the back door, onto the deck, where he turns on a propane heater, sets it on the floor of the deck near the steps, and leads me to sit next to him. “You can look up if you want, but you’ll do it while warm.”
“I love the way you take care of me.” Bridger wraps us both in the blanket, and I snuggle against his side. “So, what happened after I left?”