Total pages in book: 73
Estimated words: 69413 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 347(@200wpm)___ 278(@250wpm)___ 231(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 69413 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 347(@200wpm)___ 278(@250wpm)___ 231(@300wpm)
The last time I’d felt so raw was the moment Parker had told me he’d cheated on me. And now I felt like a tidal wave of emotion was suddenly right at my door, and there was nothing I could do to keep it away.
Music spilled out gently from inside the ballroom. No one else was out here, and I took a few deep breaths, finally getting my tears under control. The balcony was lit only by dim lanterns that dotted the railing every few feet, and I knew no one was going to see me out here unless they were looking.
I was alone.
Alone, like I’d been vowing to be for an entire year.
They always said to be careful what you wished for, but I’d never really understood that. I’d gotten a lot of things that I wished for in life, and each one had been better than the last.
For the first time ever, though, I was starting to think I was wrong.
Dead wrong.
Like I’d put myself in some sort of prison a year ago, all because someone had hurt me too badly. Had I needed to be alone after Parker? Yes. Unquestionably.
But… did I need to be alone forever?
The air outside was cold. I knew I should have headed back inside, joined the festivities, drank more alcohol, and just let loose, like Jamie had suggested. But it was as if I was paralyzed out on the balcony. Every time I tried to turn around and go back in, I couldn’t take the step.
I heard the sound of the door swinging open a few minutes later, and I half expected it to be some sort of resort staff telling me I couldn’t be out here.
When I saw Jamie, it was like something came unfrozen in me. This shining, bright spot in a week that had been an emotional hurricane. This person who had every reason to run away from me like I was a monster—and yet he kept trying with me, over and over.
I held up a hand to him. “I came out here to be alone—”
“I know. I’m sorry.” His eyes were so blue, even in the dim light. So full of compassion. “I just had to check on you.”
“Let me finish,” I said gently. “I came out here to be alone, but I’m so goddamn glad that you followed me, Jamie.”
He nodded slowly, then came to join me, leaning on the balcony railing and looking out at the mountain view. The lantern light highlighted his face, and I realized with a start that Jamie wasn’t just cute or adorable—he was strikingly handsome, with chiseled cheekbones and a beautiful jawline.
I was pretty sure I could look at him forever and never get sick of it.
“I… I don’t know what happened,” I said, summoning the will to speak out loud. “I haven’t cried in so long, but it just hit me, and it certainly wasn’t your fault.”
“I know you saw Parker and his fiance,” Jamie said apologetically. “I tried to block them from your view, but—”
“Parker?” I asked. “What do you mean?”
“Didn’t you glimpse him dancing, and it upset you?” Jamie asked.
I shook my head. “I didn’t even realize Parker had gotten on the dance floor at all.”
Jamie’s brows lifted, realization falling over his face. “Oh,” he said, like it changed everything. “Then, you breaking down was…”
I let out a feeble laugh, turning back toward the mountains for a moment. “It was because slow dancing with you felt good,” I admitted. “Too good. Like something I shouldn’t want. Shouldn’t deserve. A road I’ve been so fucking scared of going down for so long.”
Jamie was silent. For the first time, I was pretty sure I’d rendered him speechless, probably telling him things he might not feel like hearing.
“I apologize for pressuring you to dance,” he finally said.
“The dancing was great. It’s not that.”
“Then what is it?” Jamie finally asked. He turned to me, and it felt like his gaze was burning a hole into me, somehow finding a way directly to my soul. My throat tightened up again, but I was determined not to let any more tears dry on my cheeks tonight.
I had bottomed out. I had nothing left to lose.
And I had nothing left to say to Jamie but the truth.
“I want to be open to love again, Jamie,” I said, the words feeling strange and foreign coming out of my mouth. “I want to be, and I think I have wanted to be for a while now, and just haven’t been able to admit it.”
Jamie’s eyes danced across my face, searching for something. “Weddings can be emotional,” he said, trying to downplay it. “You don’t have to be sure about any of your feelings until later.”
“It’s not just the wedding,” I told him softly. “It’s something that’s been growing in me for a while. That’s definitely been uncovered, every second I’ve been with you. Because that’s apparently a superpower you have. The ability to be so supportive that anyone around you is a better version of themselves. I know I am, at least.”