Total pages in book: 111
Estimated words: 106092 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 530(@200wpm)___ 424(@250wpm)___ 354(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 106092 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 530(@200wpm)___ 424(@250wpm)___ 354(@300wpm)
“…going to be okay,” a deep voice says, relief flooding through his words. “We’re so lucky to have been brought here.”
I recognize the voice as Aaron. Sure enough, when I enter our curtained-off area, I find him and Tyler both standing in the middle of the room with the rest of the group their captive audience.
“Is he awake? How’s he feeling?” I blurt out from behind Tyler and Aaron.
Tyler whirls around and a smile tugs at his lips. “He’s groggy and grumpy, but he’s alive, which is all that matters. Dr. B thinks he’ll be able to join us here in the next day or two.”
“That’s great news.” I motion for his cot. “They hooked everyone up with their own pack of supplies. I think you’ll be pleased they included deodorant in mine.”
Tyler chuckles. “What a treat not to have to smell your B.O. for a change.”
I flip him off. “You both need to grab showers.”
“Already on it,” Aaron says, holding up his hand where a number’s been written. “A lady named Paula chased us down with her clipboard.”
As much as I want to stay up and talk to everyone, I can barely keep my eyes open. I sneak a quick peck on Tyler’s lips before he slips away for his shower. But once I lie down on my cot and have the blanket pulled up over my head to block the sound, my brain feels like it’s been shot up with caffeine. Sleep evades me as my mind races.
This place is safe.
Warm, comforting, inviting.
These people of Goodland welcomed us in with open arms. It’d be stupid to leave like we did St. George.
So why do I still feel the need to get on the road?
Knox.
I need to find my brother and check in with my family. Otherwise, I’ll go mad worrying about him.
Time feels as though it’s ticking away. Every second faster than the last. My heart throbs painfully in my chest and blood rushes in my ears. Anxiety rattles every nerve in my body and sours the stew in my stomach.
I’m so close I can practically sense my brother’s presence. He’s alive. I know he is. I feel that if he weren’t, I’d have somehow known it on a cellular level.
If he’s alive and out there, I need to get to him.
Alone.
The thought sends a shiver down my spine. Leaving the group, especially Tyler, after all we’ve been through, seriously makes me sick. I tried once before and they wouldn’t let me.
This time is different.
We lost people because of me. People were injured because of me. I can’t promise what lies ahead from here to Ransom, but I can promise what lies ahead here.
Good people. Showers. Food. Safety. Medical care.
Tyler and the others need to stay here. It’s their best chance at this point. Trying our luck again, as a group, is just suicide. At least if I get myself killed along the way, I’ll have nobody to blame but myself. Guilt won’t eat me alive every second of every day like it does now.
I could leave right now—tonight—but I can’t chance Tyler’s reaction. He’d do something stupid like go after me, leaving his healing little brother behind. I can’t be responsible for that.
No, I need to be smart about this.
I’ll wait until Jesse is back and the group is complete. Then I’ll leave a letter for Tyler explaining my mission and why he can’t come with me.
Will he ever forgive me?
Will I ever see him again?
If it’s safe, maybe I could come back for them. That’s a big maybe, though. Traveling is so treacherous. I can’t make promises, not even to myself.
No, this is goodbye.
A lump forms in my throat as tears burn in my eyes. I could stay. I could try to forget about Knox and try to make a life here with these people—with Tyler.
I nearly scoff at the idea of forgetting my brother. Not a day goes by where I don’t think about him or shame myself for leaving him back in Texas to deal with our prick of a father all alone. I’ll never be able to let it go. I’ll always wonder. And if I don’t look for him and Knox is alive, he’ll think I’m dead. That makes my chest ache too.
There’s only one answer here.
I have to go.
Tyler will eventually get over my leaving. He has to. It’s the only way—even if it breaks two hearts in the process. There’s no room in this world for love.
Family and survival.
Here, Tyler will have both, and it’s the best gift I could ever give him.
Tyler
A week passes uneventfully, which is practically a vacation for our group. Jesse was able to join us a few days ago. He hates being made to rest and doesn’t stay down for long. Like now. His cot is empty and his shoes are gone.