Total pages in book: 82
Estimated words: 77692 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 388(@200wpm)___ 311(@250wpm)___ 259(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 77692 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 388(@200wpm)___ 311(@250wpm)___ 259(@300wpm)
“How can I, Zawla? How can I put my grief aside to feel anything else?”
“Not put it aside, Halun, just …” I look down, trying to search for the words. “When my mother passed, I cried until my tears dried up. Then, I screamed until my voice gave out. Then, I tried pretending my heart didn’t feel like a void in my chest. But each of those things was what I needed to do at that time, to get through it, to feel like I wasn’t just trapping my emotions inside of me. And that’s what you’re doing, Zawla, trapping your emotions inside. If you don’t let them out, they will force themselves out, in any way they can.”
I look back into Halun’s eyes now. I find the tears have stopped, even though the pain in his gaze remains. “I want you to do whatever you need to let whatever your feeling out. Your grief, your sadness, your rage, your guilt. Even the emptiness inside of you, find a way to let it out. You’re right. A lot of people need you right now, but you won’t be much good to them if you burn yourself out. And I need you, too, Halun. I don’t need you to fake how you feel for me or pretend to be happy when you aren’t. But I just need you to talk to me, whether that’s what you’re feeling or what you’re going through. Let me hold you if that’s what you need, or just tell me what you need, and, whatever it is, I will give it to you. Share your burden with me, Halun. I am your mate. That’s what we do for each other.”
“Will it ever not hurt this much?” he asks low.
“It will always hurt some,” I admit. “But as time goes on, you’ll be able to think more of the ways she made you smile and laugh than of the loss of her. But, in even more time, you will think of all the ways she’s still living inside of you, in your heart and mind, than you think of all that she left behind. But for now, you let yourself feel, Zawla. Whatever you feel, feel it, and then let it go. Let it pass until you capture that bit of peace that’s waiting for you on the other side.”
He takes a deeper breath than I’ve seen or felt him take in days, and nods.
“Later, though. I have to go listen to the message now. But later, I will.”
“That’s good enough for me.”
I kiss him, but when I begin to pull away, his hand comes to my hair, keeping my lips pressed against his. Between our lips are all the kisses we’ve missed in the days and nights we’ve spent together in silence.
“Thank you,” he says when our kiss breaks.
“Never thank me for loving you.”
His lips curve up and I almost cry anew at his first smile.
“There you go again, telling me you love me without even realizing you’re telling me.”
“Well, then let me make it very clear. I love you, Halun. I always will.”
“I love you, Luna. Beyond all the definitions that that word can have.”
“You go. Do what you need to, and when you’re done, we’ll go wherever you need to for you to work through whatever you need to.”
He nods. “I will ask Bothaki if he can handle things for the rest of the day. Will you come with me, to hear the message?”
“Of course, I will.”
We go to the bathing hall together and he bathes me this time, then himself before we leave. From the sigh the Hallans give when Halun and I arrive, I can tell them waiting for him to arrive was strenuous on them, but I don’t feel guilty. We needed the time, and he needed to hear what I had to say.
After bowing their heads, all but one leaves the room. I recognize him from the ship.
“Waliz,” he says as he presses a button. He’s gone from the room before the message begins playing, in a woman’s voice. Halun’s mouth stretches into a smile and I hear him murmur a name I know well.
Vabila.
“Things have begun to … stabilize here. Most of The New Order leaders have been killed or captured. There are only a few left, but they don’t truly hold any power now with having to be in hiding, and constantly running from one place to the next. The Opposition has taken over the news stations here and has begun broadcasting messages with the new laws that will be put into place, and what old laws are no longer being enforced. It’s so nice to see the females not living in so much fear. Well, some. There are others who seem to cling to the oppression they were under, but then I guess once a system has spent so long making sure you had no free thoughts, it’s hard to wrap your mind around the idea that you have a choice.