Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 86335 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 432(@200wpm)___ 345(@250wpm)___ 288(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 86335 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 432(@200wpm)___ 345(@250wpm)___ 288(@300wpm)
We need to get through this weekend, and then once we’re back in Rosemary, I’ll tell him that I’ve made the decision to keep things between us strictly about the baby.
We’ll finalize the Kingston-Bradford collaboration, and then he’ll go back to Dallas with his family and his job, and we’ll figure out how to co-parent long-distance.
“Paige,” Nate yells again. “You going to come in, or do I have to come and get you?”
Several people chuckle, their eyes on me, so I nod and stand.
“I’m coming,” I tell him, forcing a smile onto my face.
I take my cover-up off and fix my newly purchased maternity bathing suit. I’m still on the smaller side, but my belly has popped, and I now officially look pregnant as opposed to bloated. I went with a two-piece, hoping it will give my belly room to grow since the summer in Texas is hot and we spend a lot of time in the water.
As I walk over to the pool, Nate gives me his full attention, his eyes alight with lust, mixed with love, and my stomach knots because Nate loves me. He’s attracted to me. He not only wants me, but he also wants this baby.
A little over four months ago, I walked in on my boyfriend having sex with my friend, and I questioned if I was enough. If I was pretty enough, good enough in bed, enough to be loved. Yet every time I’m around Nate, he does nothing but show me just how enough I am.
To my ex, I was one woman in a room filled with many others. But when Nate looks at me, it’s like I’m the only woman in the room.
And despite how he makes me feel, I can’t have him because it’s not fair to either of us. He might be willing to give up everything to be with me, but I’m not going to let him do that.
When I get to the bottom step, Nate encircles his arms around me, and I wrap my legs around his torso. The backyard is filled with well over fifty people, but when I’m with Nate, it feels like everyone else disappears and it’s just us.
“I love this,” he says once we’re in the middle of the water.
“What?” I run my fingers through his wet hair, trying to memorize everything about him. I only just got him back, and I’m already going to have to give him up.
“The feel of your stomach against mine.” He grins. “I read that the baby will start kicking soon. I can’t wait to feel him or her.”
He presses his lips to mine, and I sigh into him.
“What else did you read?” I ask curiously. I didn’t even know he’d been looking up stuff about the baby and my pregnancy. Imagining him googling pregnancy questions makes me smile on the inside.
“A lot of stuff.” He shrugs. “Like, at twenty weeks, we can find out the sex.” He grins. “What do you think? Should we find out?”
I’ve thought about it, but the idea of finding out stresses me out. It’ll make it that much more real. It means we can start buying things, decorating the nursery, which means we’ll have to decide where the nursery will be. Which means having a conversation about where we’re going to live. But now, I know where we’re both going to live, and it won’t be together, which means…
“Paige,” Nate says, quirking a brow. “If you don’t want to find out the sex…”
“We can find out,” I whisper, trying and failing to keep my emotions in check.
Maybe I should just move to Dallas to be with him. It would solve all our problems. He has a beautiful home and a good job. He loves me and this baby. And I love him.
But then what happens when he doesn’t want me anymore?
What happens when I’m no longer worth sticking around for?
When he wants a new woman to warm his bed? A new family to play house with?
Where will I be left then?
Before I can stop myself, tears well in my eyes, and Nate notices immediately.
“Hey,” he says, “what’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I tell him, hating that I couldn’t keep my emotions in check. “I just…” I can’t get the words out, so instead, I bury my face in his neck and hold him tight.
I know he’s confused, but he simply holds me, letting me silently cry in his arms.
Cry for the relationship that was doomed from the start.
For the baby who’s going to be pulled in two directions.
For our hearts that I have no choice but to break.
Because I’m terrified that he’s going to resent giving up everything to be with us.
Because I can’t let him give up everything to be with us, yet I can’t find it in me to give up everything to be with him. And fuck if that doesn’t make me a horrible person.