Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 86335 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 432(@200wpm)___ 345(@250wpm)___ 288(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 86335 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 432(@200wpm)___ 345(@250wpm)___ 288(@300wpm)
“Okay,” Dad relents. “But if you need anything…”
If I need anything, I’ll do what I’ve been doing since my mom died—handle it myself.
“Thanks,” I say. “Have a good rest of your weekend.”
“Love you,” Dad says like he always does.
But rather than say it back, like I usually do, I hang up.
Because fuck him. Fuck him for agreeing to have me when he didn’t want me. And fuck him for continuing this fake relationship for years after Mom died. He might think he’s doing right by the woman he loved, but all he’s doing is hurting me.
So, I’m done. I’m done with people who don’t want me, who don’t think I’m enough. I don’t need anyone but myself. And soon, I’ll have this baby. And that’s enough for me.
“Right there is your little one.” Dr. Mays points at the tiny, alien-looking baby on the screen, and my heart clenches in my chest because, holy shit, I’m pregnant. “And this”—she clicks a button, and a second later, a whooshing sound fills the room—“is your baby’s heartbeat.”
Ana squeezes my hand while Dr. Mays continues to go over everything about the baby, reminding me that I’m not alone as tears track down my cheeks, hitting my ears since I’m lying down.
I’m pregnant. I’m really freaking pregnant, and I’m going to be doing it alone. My thoughts go back to my time with Nate, and even though I’m missing him like crazy and I wish he were here to see this, I also love that we created this baby during our time together.
For those five days, I was enough. Every laugh, every smile, every kiss was enough. He showed me more passion during our time together than any man I’ve ever been with, and even though I’ll probably never find him, I love that I’ll get to keep a piece of our time together with me forever.
Did I want to do things properly? Of course. But there’s no point in focusing on what could’ve been. This is where I’m at, and I’m going to spend my life loving this baby the way my mom spent every day she was alive loving me.
“Are you okay?” Ana asks once the doctor has given me copies of my ultrasound and excused herself to see her next patient with the reminder to schedule my next appointment for four weeks from now.
“I’m overwhelmed and scared,” I tell her truthfully as I sit up on the medical bed. “I’m mad at myself for throwing away Nate’s number and annoyed that I’ve paid a PI to find him, yet he’s found nothing. It’s like Nate doesn’t even exist, which makes no sense”—I point at my bloated belly—“because, obviously, he does. But I’m also excited to be a mom.”
“It’s one of the best feelings in the world,” she says. “And you and Kira are only four weeks apart! This is going to be so much fun. You guys are giving me serious baby fever, so I’ll be living vicariously through you both.”
I slide off the bed and get dressed and then head out to the receptionist to make my next appointment. Since I’m exactly twelve weeks, she makes it for one month from now. When she gives me the day and time, I glance at my calendar.
“I have a meeting at eleven. Can we do it for nine?” That should be enough time for me to get to work and prep before the meeting.
“You should just take the day off,” Ana suggests.
“I can’t. It’s with that hotel we’re partnering with.”
“Oh, Bradford Hotel,” Ana says. “Julian is excited about that. He thinks it’s going to be a serious game changer if we can get the marketing right.”
“Well, that’s what you have me for.” I shoot her a playful wink, and she bumps her hip against mine.
“Damn right,” she says. “I don’t know what I would do without you, in and out of the office.”
“Good thing you’ll never have to find out.”
When I get home, I pull out the scrapbook I’ve started and put one of the images from today’s ultrasound in it. I spend the evening titling it, writing my thoughts, and decorating the page. When I was younger, Mom and I kept a scrapbook for every place we moved to. I haven’t made one since she passed away, but after finding out I was pregnant, I pulled out all the stuff and then went to the store to pick up a new book and materials.
Page one: My trip to London and the time I spent with Nate.
He might not be here, but I’ll be damned if our baby ever thinks he or she wasn’t wanted. I might not know Nate on a deeper level, but I felt his heart, and I’d like to believe that if the circumstances were different, he’d want this baby as much as I do.