Total pages in book: 74
Estimated words: 73963 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 370(@200wpm)___ 296(@250wpm)___ 247(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73963 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 370(@200wpm)___ 296(@250wpm)___ 247(@300wpm)
“I only have two, then I leave the rest for him.”
I nod and take a deep breath. “I’ve never minded the cold, you know.”
He nods.
“I think it feels nice.” I take another swig of beer and sit on the snow, leaning against Cary’s headstone.
“I should leave you be,” he says, moving to stand, but I hold up a hand.
“Wait.” I clear my throat. “I have some things to say, and I think this is a good place to say them.”
He stands, and I think he’s going to leave anyway, which I wouldn’t blame him for, but the next thing I know, he reaches for my hand, pulls me to my feet, and gestures for me to sit in his chair before sitting in my spot on the ground.
“You shouldn’t sit on the ground, Wills,” he says softly after settling on the snow. “What do you want to say?”
“That I’m sorry,” I blurt and blink rapidly, making this up as I go because I didn’t expect to see him here today. “I want to apologize for what I said to you that day.”
“You don’t need to.”
“Yeah, I do.” I nod and take a sip of beer. “I was angry, Max. Not just at you, but at Cary and, well, the universe. I took it out on you. It was like all of the grief and the pain just boiled up, and I spewed it all over you.
“It wasn’t your fault that Cary died, Max. He was a thrill-seeker, especially when it came to skiing. He loved it. I can’t even count how many times I told him to stop going out of bounds because it wasn’t safe. He would just pat me on the head like I was being cute and do it anyway.”
Max takes a deep breath, and I swear his shoulders sag as if a huge weight has been lifted off them. Jesus, has he been carrying that around all of these years because of me?
The thought of that tears a hole in my heart.
“You lost him, too. It took me a long time to see that I wasn’t the only one who was grieving. I know that makes me selfish.”
“No, it makes you human,” he replies, and my gaze catches his for a long moment. My God, I loved him. Once upon a time, he was everything to me.
“I was incredibly angry with you,” I admit and watch as his jaw tightens, but he doesn’t drop his gaze from mine. “But my anger was layered.”
“In what way?”
“You left me,” I remind him. “And you didn’t come back. You were my life for years, and suddenly, you were just gone. I was sure that something was wrong with me.”
“No,” he says adamantly, shaking his head.
“I was seventeen, Max. Of course, I thought it was me. You were gone, and Cary missed you, too. We definitely leaned on each other through that, and I fell in love with him, and we built a life together. But I never shook my anger for you. And then, you came back out of the blue, and, well, you know the rest.”
“Your husband died on my watch,” he finishes.
“Yeah. Men leave me, Max.” I gasp, mortified that I said it out loud, but Max just narrows his eyes in curiosity.
“Keep going.”
“Is this therapy with Cary?” I ask, hoping to change the subject.
“You said it was a good place for it,” he reminds me. “Are you too cold?”
“No.” I sniff, the chill in the air making my nose drip. “I was close to my gramps,” I remind him. “And he died. Then you left. My daddy died a couple years later.”
“I liked your dad very much,” Max says.
“He liked you, too,” I whisper. “Then Cary.”
“I always planned to come back,” Max admits, surprising me. “For you.”
“What?”
“I thought that once I left for college, you’d miss me enough that when I came back for your graduation, I could talk you into leaving with me. I realize that was a stupid way of thinking.”
“You didn’t come back.”
“When I spoke with Cary, he told me that he was dating you, and after you graduated, he asked you to marry him.”
“I didn’t know,” I murmur, listening to the train whistle.
“Would it have changed anything?” he asks.
“I don’t know,” I reply honestly. “I still wouldn’t have wanted to move away from Cunningham Falls, so, maybe not.”
“I guess it’s a waste of time to think about what-ifs.”
“If it had changed things, I wouldn’t have Alex, and I wouldn’t wish him away for anything.”
“He’s a great kid. He looks just like Cary.”
“I know.” I smile, thinking about my handsome boy. “He even has some of the same mannerisms, which fascinates me because he never met Cary.”
“I’m sorry,” Max says, tears swimming in his brown eyes. “For all of it, Wills. Hurting you is the last thing I ever want to do.”