Total pages in book: 74
Estimated words: 73963 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 370(@200wpm)___ 296(@250wpm)___ 247(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73963 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 370(@200wpm)___ 296(@250wpm)___ 247(@300wpm)
The only thing I’ve been able to think all day long is, I can’t do this.
There’s shuffling behind me, and I turn to find Cary’s dad, Dan, standing in the doorway.
“Hey,” I say, standing and stepping into the hallway with him.
“I just wanted to stop by to see how he’s doing.” The strain on his face is heartbreaking. This has to be like deja vu for him, too.
“He’s going to be okay.” I let the tears fall now, splashing on my cheeks. “But I’m so damn scared.”
“Hey there,” he says, pulling me in for a hug. “This is different from before.”
“I guess.” I swallow. “I just don’t think I can do this. He asked me to marry him, Dan, but how can I do that when I’ll be terrified every day that something like this will happen again and he’ll leave me?”
I back away and wipe at my cheeks.
“Willa—”
“I know, it sounds ridiculous, but I can’t help it. I would rather end things on my terms than have him ripped out of my life.”
“You listen to me, little girl,” he says firmly, catching my attention. “I’ve never known you to be a selfish coward.”
I flinch at the words.
“If you love him and you want to be with him, you march back in there, and you stick with him. Through this and any other hard times that come along. Because I promise you, there will be hard times.”
“He could die.”
“We all could,” he says. “Or he could live to be a hundred and four. Do you want to miss out on all of those good years? Whether it’s two days or into your nineties, you love him. That’s how it works. You don’t get to run away.”
I wipe my eyes and take a deep breath.
“No one except for Jenna and Brad knows that he asked me to marry him.”
“I’m happy for you,” Dan says kindly. “You’re good for each other. He’s great with Alex.”
“But Cary—”
“Is gone,” he says. “As much as I wish I could change it, Cary is gone, my dear. You have to live your life.”
“You and Jean have both said that to me.” I sigh again. “I just wish I could shake the guilt.”
“You have to,” he replies. “Or it will fester and steal your joy. Don’t let it do that. Are you going to be okay here? Do you need anything?”
“No.” I glance inside the door to find Max still sleeping. “I’m okay.”
“Just call if there’s anything I can do.”
With another hug, Dan leaves, and I return to Max’s side. I’m not a coward. And I’m not selfish.
I’m scared.
With Max’s hand in mine, I lean on the bed, just to rest for a few minutes.
“It wasn’t his fault,” Cary says. He’s sitting across from me in my living room, but it’s not my living room. It’s the way it used to be when Cary and I were first married.
“Whose?”
“Max’s. It wasn’t his fault today, and it wasn’t his fault back when I died.”
I frown, and everything comes back to me. The funeral. The flowers. Max. Alex. Jenna’s dress, and Brad telling me that Max was hurt.
All of it.
“I’ve been angry with you,” I admit, watching his face, soaking him in. He’s still twenty-three, and handsome. So young.
“I know. I was stupid that day, Wills. I shouldn’t have skied that run, but I was showboating, showing off for Max because he’d been gone so long, and I was trying to show him that I was cool. I got the girl, I was having a baby, and I was still cool.”
“You hurt him. Hurt us.”
“I was a selfish idiot,” he replies with a grin. “And I paid for it.”
“We all paid for it.”
I want to slap him. And I want to hug him. So, I do. I walk to him and climb onto his lap, hugging him close. But it feels so foreign, from a time long ago.
“Doesn’t fit anymore,” he says as I pull back. “And it shouldn’t.”
“I carry a lot of guilt,” I admit. “I know you’re gone, and your dad is right, I need to move on. I deserve that. But—”
“No buts,” he interrupts. “And stop it with the guilt, Wills. You haven’t done anything wrong. Do you want my blessing?”
I shrug.
“Well, you have it. Max is my best friend, and if he’s the one for you, I want you to be with him. Live your life, Wills. Enjoy it.”
“Alex loves him, too.”
Cary grins. “That kid is a firecracker.”
“He’s got so much of you in him.”
“Just don’t let him forget me,” he says and looks to his left as if someone just walked up.
“Who’s there?”
“It’s nothing,” he says. “I want you and Alex to be happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. You’re doing a great job at the mom thing, just like I knew you would.”
“You would have been a good dad.”