Total pages in book: 125
Estimated words: 118592 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 593(@200wpm)___ 474(@250wpm)___ 395(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 118592 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 593(@200wpm)___ 474(@250wpm)___ 395(@300wpm)
And here I was nearly ten years later with the best family a person could have asked for. Even after my younger brother and sister - both my fathers’ biological children - had come along, I’d never once doubted how much my fathers loved me. Add in the extended family of aunts, uncles and cousins and I had everything I could have dreamed of and more.
Except one thing.
Not thing…person.
The same person who I was pretty sure had just run off to hook-up with someone else.
Not that I could blame Brennan. It wasn’t like he didn’t have a slew of men and women available to him. I actually hadn’t known Brennan was bisexual until he’d been talking about his new boyfriend a couple of years earlier when he was home on break. I’d only known him to ever date women…well, one woman – a girl he’d been with during his last couple of years in high school. So I’d made the assumption he was straight. But the news that he liked men as well had floored me and then it had done something else entirely.
It had made me want him even more than I already had.
I’d been sixteen at the time and still coming to the realization that I was gay. But just as suddenly as the hope had flared to life inside of me, it had been snuffed out just as quickly. Because I had nothing to offer the older, mature and so very beautiful Brennan Devereaux. I wasn’t some strapping, gorgeous guy, I was utterly lacking in any kind of sophistication, and there was of course, the gigantic elephant in the room.
Although everyone in my family knew I was HIV-positive and it was something I’d never been made to feel ashamed of, it was different with Brennan. Maybe because there’d always been this sliver of hope that he’d someday see me as something more than his childhood friend or a younger brother. But as I’d gotten older and truly understood what my condition meant, I’d started to realize that it would be a major obstacle in any future relationships I might have. My fathers and my doctor had reassured me many times that I could still have all the things other people did, including sex, a family, a career…all of it. That had given me hope, but not enough that I’d considered telling Brennan that what I felt for him went way beyond friendship. Because for all the reassurances I’d gotten, there was always that looming fear that not only would my disease put him at risk physically, it would be something he or any other man might someday have to slowly watch steal my life away.
So I’d remained silent and reveled in any affection Brennan showed me and then been miserable afterwards that morsels were all I’d ever get. But I’d made the right decision. New York had been proof of that. Because there’d been a guy I’d finally decided to take a chance with. He’d been the reason I’d tattooed the permanent reminder on my wrist that I was my disease first and a person second.
I sighed as I studied the dozens of boxes stacked up in one corner of the spacious room. Agreeing to room with Brennan while I began my studies to teach music and he pursued his MBA probably hadn’t been the smartest move, but I couldn’t help but feel a little glad, too. Because even just being around Brennan was comforting. My experiences in New York had made me wary that maybe the people closest to me weren’t as unconcerned about being around me as they’d let on, but Brennan had been proof that maybe I could go back to living in the safe, protective bubble my fathers and extended family had created for me. Maybe it wasn’t the bravest thing in the world, but the wounds I now carried were evidence that out there I wasn’t Tristan Barretti who also happened to be HIV-positive. No, out there I was someone people were afraid of or I was invisible.
Or I was someone who made poor choices.
Even the memory of what had happened my last few weeks in New York was enough to have me bypassing the boxes and crawling into bed. I turned the 3-way lamp on my nightstand on its lowest setting and then turned on the app that played soothing classical music that I hoped would eventually help lull me to sleep. But as soon as I closed my eyes, all I saw was Brennan and his faceless lover.
And I knew that come tomorrow when I saw Brennan again, that would be all I saw.
Chapter Eight
Memphis
I didn’t even let Brennan get a word out after I opened the door to let him into the hotel room. And it wasn’t just because I needed to taste him so badly again. No, I was worried that he’d start asking questions.