Total pages in book: 69
Estimated words: 65346 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 327(@200wpm)___ 261(@250wpm)___ 218(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 65346 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 327(@200wpm)___ 261(@250wpm)___ 218(@300wpm)
A picture from our trip to Costa Rica. Benji and I stood next to each other, and although I was dead sure we weren’t, it sure as hell looked like the two of us were holding hands.
Something I wanted to do so fucking bad. I knew by then that I was bi, and that I wanted Benji more than anything in the damn world. More than anyone else, all I wanted was Benji. But it felt wrong, on so many different fronts. First off, being the closeted son of a high-profile conservative politician didn’t make it easy. Having a stepmom who’d founded one of the leading anti-queer organizations hellbent on keeping families ‘normal’ (whatever the fuck normal even meant) certainly didn’t make what I was feeling any easier to accept.
But then there was the fact that Benji was my best friend’s little brother. It was an unwritten rule, but it was a rule. I didn’t want to break it. I risked losing not only my best friend but also my found family, a group of people who took me in and loved and cared for me more than my own flesh and blood did.
And yet… it was Benjamin Gold, the one whose kiss stole my breath, who stole so much more than my breath…
The light in his room was on. It was the last door in the hall, before making the turn that led out to the guesthouse. There was no sound coming from behind the door, but I figured he was in there.
I could leave him alone. Maybe that would be the better option, for the both of us.
Truth was, as much as I’d been trying to avoid Benji, I had instead found myself searching for him every chance I could get. I wanted to talk to him. I needed us to get back to what we had been, back when the world felt like a limitless playground and time would for sure stretch on into infinity.
Back when I didn’t have to worry about a sex tape leaking.
The thought made my pulse instantly shoot up. Goose pimples broke out in a rampage down my neck and arms.
I could go and fester inside the guest bedroom, thinking about all the shit swirling around my head. I didn’t need to knock on Benji’s door. Hell, maybe it wasn’t smart of me to even knock in the first place.
I could…
My knuckles rapped on the bedroom door. There wasn’t even a choice, right or wrong. There was only one thing: making sure Benji was good. That’s all that mattered.
I heard movement from the other side of the door. Bedsheets rustling and a mattress squeaking. Footsteps followed next. The door lock clicked open, and Benji’s head appeared in the crack, backlit by a lamp on his nightstand. He was already in a pair of sleeping shorts and a gray tank top, his glasses on and socks off.
“Sorry, I just… well, you kind of left the kitchen looking pretty beat down… I’m just going to ask you right out: Are you doing all right?”
Benji’s brows rose in surprise, and the door opened a little wider. “I, um, yeah, I’m fine.” His gaze dropped down to his bare feet, his toes digging into the thick carpet. “Thanks for checking in.”
“All right… and you’re sure?”
“I’m sure.”
Something in Benji’s demeanor told me otherwise.
“Want to go for a walk?” I asked.
“Huh?”
“I know it’s late, but walking and getting some fresh air always helps me out. We can take a little midnight walk through the sanctuary.” It wasn’t midnight, not for another three hours or so, but still, maybe he’d recall that special midnight we shared back in Costa Rica.
That velvet midnight I would never be able to forget, and one I’d never want to forget either.
His head lifted, eyes meeting mine. The growing smile on his face told me he remembered. But the smile was only a flash, as brief as a street-side firework. In moments, Benji deflated again.
“I’m good, Rex. Thanks.” He started to close the door.
Fuck. He’s not good. And I didn’t want to leave him. I felt like if we could just talk things through underneath the stars, then maybe Benji could start feeling better. I didn’t think he’d be back to 100 by sunup, but still, I didn’t like the idea of him going back behind a locked door so he could sit in the swamp of his emotions.
“Benji, just a quick walk. We can go up to the lake and come right back.”
He stalled in closing the door, and for a second, I thought I did it. He appeared to make a move for the shoes on the floor.
Instead, he shook his head and closed the door, the lock clicking back into place after I heard a murmured “good night.”
The hallway felt empty, even with all the warm memories that hung up on the white walls. The walk outside to the guesthouse wasn’t as soothing as I had sold to Benji. In fact, the fresh air did jack shit to help the anxious thoughts from barreling into the forefront of my brain.