Total pages in book: 99
Estimated words: 94640 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 473(@200wpm)___ 379(@250wpm)___ 315(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 94640 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 473(@200wpm)___ 379(@250wpm)___ 315(@300wpm)
“How’s married life treating you?” she asks suddenly, tipping her head back to take another shot. The question is almost too casual. I get the distinct feeling they’re on my side, but they want to be sure I’m okay.
I force a smile. “Fine.”
Yana smiles sadly. “Liar.”
“Hey, come on,” Ember says, elbowing her playfully. Her red hair is in a messy bun, her eyes bright. “Let her enjoy her night. She doesn’t want to talk about your emotionally stunted brother.”
I laugh, but it’s forced. Because I remember a night just like this, years ago, only I was a girl and Semyon broke my heart.
“I’m sorry, Anya,” Zoya says, shaking her head. “I know it’s going to take time. He’s not…Semyon’s so driven by duty, he somehow forgets that the people in his life are, in fact…well, people.”
I shake my head and drown my sorrows in another drink, envious of Yana’s high tolerance for liquor, Zoya’s calm, and Ember’s happy marriage. I’m determined to prove myself. I drink a shot. A glass of wine. Another drink, followed by another, until the memory of the past blurs and I’m laughing right along with the others.
Until he stands in the doorway.
“Your husband’s here,” Ember says, too soon, her eyes twinkling. “I’ll be sure to bring those books when we meet.” Ember’s promised me a few reads to occupy me at the next family dinner.
I hug them all goodbye and take my sweet time walking—or, more accurately, half toppling, to where my husband waits.
He kisses my cheek. I move away, the memory of the night he hurt me vivid. I turn from him, nearly stumbling.
“Anya. How much have you had to drink?”
I shrug. “Lost track.”
And fuck you.
He half carries me to the car, swats my hand away when I try to open my own door with a frown, then fastens my seat belt. The cold leather feels good against my heated skin. And still… I want to cry.
The drive is quiet at first—too quiet. The warmth of the alcohol makes my cheeks feel too hot.
“Did you have a good time?”
“Yes. They’re excellent company.” I hope he hears the note of sarcasm in my voice. “They hug me.”
I look out the window. I don’t care if I sound like a child. The lights feel too bright, my emotions too close to the surface.
“Unlike some people I know,” I whisper. My voice sounds slurred, but it cuts through the silence.
“Excuse me?” He exhales. When I look at him, his knuckles are white on the steering wheel. “You’re drunk, Anya. We won’t have this conversation now.”
“Oh?” I ask, with a mirthless laugh. I want to break through his relentless control so fucking badly. “So what? I can’t say the truth. You don’t even look at me half the time. I’m…I’m no one, remember?”
He stiffens beside me. “So that’s what this is about.”
No, Semyon. That’s not what this is about. This is about you ruining my life. This is about you pretending like I’m nothing to you when our past says something different. This is about you sleeping in another bed like I’ll taint yours, taking care of me in all the ways you want to and none of the ways that matter.
This is about you breaking my heart.
But I don’t say anything to him.
“You don’t know who she was, Anya. She would’ve destroyed you.”
I look out the window and shake my head. I don’t trust myself to speak.
The car jerks slightly as he pulls over without warning, tires grinding against the pavement. In an instant, he’s turned toward me, his blue eyes blazing. He blinks slowly. I swallow, but it feels like a gulp. The slow blink behind the glasses…
“You think I don’t want you?” His voice is quiet. Dangerous. “You think I don’t feel it every second you’re near me?”
My breath catches. The air between us is thick. Charged.
“I’m no one,” I whisper.
I don’t know how I get there, but I’m in his lap, straddling him. His hands are tangled in my hair. He pulls it back. I’m instantly sober.
“I stay away from you because if I don’t, I won’t be able to stop.” His breath is warm against my skin.
My heart beats so fast I’m dizzy. He’s never looked at me like this before… like he’s unraveling. Like for once in his life, he can’t control me.
I whisper, “You broke my heart, Semyon. Did you know that? I loved you.” My voice trembles, raw and aching. “And you looked at a stranger, someone prettier, older, more powerful than I was, someone who was everything I wasn’t, and you told her I was nothing to you.”
A hot tear slips down my cheek, then another. I blink, but they keep falling, thick and unstoppable. My breath shudders. “And you…you were my world.”
“Anya.” His voice cracks, rough with something I can’t name.