Total pages in book: 47
Estimated words: 45210 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 226(@200wpm)___ 181(@250wpm)___ 151(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 45210 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 226(@200wpm)___ 181(@250wpm)___ 151(@300wpm)
She looks unsure. “Kanan, you’re scaring me.”
I reach over the console and thread our fingers together. “Promise me. Promise you’ll hear me out.”
She sounds unsure, but she agrees. “I promise. Of course, I promise.”
We get to the compound, and as we walk to the cabin, I start to get even more nervous. The rain has let up, and there’s a few people milling around, but we don’t stop and talk to anyone. My whole life is about to change. It can go in one of two directions, and the thought is making me sick.
When we get to the cabin, I open the door and let her go on in. I take my time, removing my boots as she takes off my jacket and slides her shoes off.
She turns to me, unsure. “We can forget the talk. I don’t need to know whatever you’re about to tell me. We can just move on with our lives, and everything will be fine.”
She’s scared of what I’m going to tell her, and I can’t blame her.
I reach for her and grab her hand. “I have to tell you…”
She winces. “You’re married, aren’t you?”
My mouth drops. “Married? Hell no, I’m not married. I’ve never been married, and the only way I’ll ever be married is if you agree to be my wife.”
She gasp and then nods. “Yes.”
I can’t help it. I laugh and pull her to me. We walk to the couch, and I sit down. She moves to sit down next to me, but I pull her onto my lap. “We’ll talk while I hold you.”
She sits on my lap, and I brush the hair off her face. She leans into my touch. “No more putting this off, Kanan. Just tell me what you need to tell me.”
I take a deep breath, and even though I’ve practiced this a thousand times in my head, nothing has prepared me for the dread that is laying heavy on my heart. “What I want to talk to you about is the day your dad died.”
Her eyes widen like saucers, and she nods her head.
“For two years… I mean since that day… I’ve lived with the guilt of that day.”
She tenses in my arms. “What do you mean?”
I clench my eyes, wishing I didn’t have to do this but knowing I don’t have a choice. “I was carrying him on my back when he was shot.”
Her eyebrows go up, but that’s the only movement. I wait for something, anything, but she doesn’t say anything so I continue, hating the words as they come out of my mouth. “I was the reason your dad was killed that day.”
Her hands grip on to my arms. “Kanan.” She’s searching my face. “Oh my God, you truly believe that.”
I can’t look her in the eye. I’m waiting for her to curse me, to tell me she wishes she’d never met me, and for her to leave me, but when she stays seated in my lap, I lift my eyes to hers. “That’s what happened, Em.”
She puts her hands on my chest, then across my shoulders and wraps them around my neck. “That’s not exactly how it happened, Kan.”
My jaw clenches. “I was there, Em. I know what happened.”
I wait for her to push me away, but she doesn’t. If anything, she pulls me closer. “Tell me something.”
I let out a breath. I’ve already told her the worst part; from this point, I’ll tell her anything she wants to know. “Anything.”
She lifts her chin. “Did you love my dad?”
“You know I did.”
She nods. “And would you… did you… do everything you could to save him?”
I ram my hand through my hair. “Of course I did, but that doesn’t change things. He still died because of me.”
“Kanan, I’ve read the report. I have a copy of my dad’s file. I was going crazy after he died, and I convinced Walker to give it to me. I needed closure. None of you guys were talking, and I had to know what happened.”
I lean back. “So you knew… this whole time you knew?”
She shakes her head, pulling me back toward her. “My dad was shot in the head. It may have not killed him instantly, but it would have killed him. You could have left him there, but you went and picked him up to bring him home to me.” She holds her hand up as if I’m going to interrupt her. “And yes, I know you were doing it for me. It was when you were carrying him that my dad took the hit to the back… it was also when the buck shot went through your arm and shattered all along the right side of your body. But you still brought him home to me.”
I suck in a breath, holding back the tears, and she continues. “Kanan, my dad knew how I felt about you. Ask me what I said to him every time he left on a mission.”