Total pages in book: 47
Estimated words: 45210 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 226(@200wpm)___ 181(@250wpm)___ 151(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 45210 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 226(@200wpm)___ 181(@250wpm)___ 151(@300wpm)
I nod my head. “Oh I know how important his job was. I never blamed him for being gone, and I know he loved me the best way he knew how. I just wish he was still here.” I roll my eyes. “Geez, one second I’m trying to convince you I’m an adult and then the next I’m acting like a child.”
He reaches over and puts his hand on my knee. “No, you’re not. You’re not acting like a child.”
My whole body flushes from the contact, and when I turn to look at him, he pulls away and turns to look out into the night.
“Kanan…”
“Yeah?” he answers, still without looking at me.
I turn my body, pulling my leg up between us so I can look at him head on. “Will you let me look at your arm?”
He tenses next to me and shakes his head. “I was worried when you came out here. I’m sorry, I should have taken the time to put my shirt back on.”
“I want to see it.”
He finally looks at me. “Why?”
I shrug. “Because it’s a part of you, Kanan. And you’re one of the best men I’ve ever known—”
He grunts, and if possible, he tenses even more. “I’m not a good man, Emerson. Trust me when I tell you I’m not.”
Because I can’t hold back, I wrap my hand around his arm that is not injured. “I know you are. I wouldn’t have ridden a bus across the US if you were a bad man.” I take in a breath and then let it out slowly. “Let me see your arm, Kanan.”
His frown deepens. “It’s not pretty, Em.”
I love the way he shortens my name. I hold my hand out to him and wait for him to give me his.
He lifts his shoulders and lets them drop. “I warned you.”
He brings his arm up from his side and then places his hand in mine. Instead of looking at it, I look into his eyes. “Are you okay with this?”
He doesn’t even blink. “Yeah, I trust you.”
I lean into him and look at his arm. With my other hand, I run my fingertips along the scars and mangled skin. It takes everything I have not to start crying again. I turn his arm over and do the same to the other side. Most of it is around his wrist and lower arm, but on the underside, there’s a trail that leads up to his shoulder. I keep lightly tracing the skin, and it’s then when he starts to loosen up a little. I feel his body lean into mine, and his hand is no longer held in a tight fist. I keep tracing his skin, and when I get to the top of his arm, I touch the hem of his shirt.
“Do you have scars under your shirt too?”
He lets out a little pant as if he’s been holding his breath and nods.
I pull on his shirt sleeve. “Let me see.”
He points to his arm. “It’s ugly. Why are you doing this to yourself? I don’t understand why this is important to you.”
I’ve thought about this for a long time, and I’m hoping it doesn’t sound silly. I lift my shoulders. “I don’t know how to explain it. I think about you all the time, Kanan. I know I shouldn’t, but I think my dad is right—at least for me. We do have an unbreakable bond, and ever since the accident, I’ve worried about you. I worried if you’d be okay or not. I’ve worried if you’d eventually lose your arm or if you’d be in pain for the rest of your life. I’ve worried if you were able to move on. I guess just seeing it, knowing you're okay, will give me some kind of relief.”
He’s just staring at me, and I force myself to look away. “I’m sorry. It sounds dumb, doesn’t it?”
His voice is gruff and filled with emotion. “You’ve been worried about me?”
I gasp in surprise. “You didn’t know?”
He shakes his head. “How would I know?”
I’m not going to lie to him, so I try to get the conversation back on course. “Will you show me or not? If it makes you uncomfortable…”
I let my voice trail off. I told him what I wanted—what I needed. Now what he does with it is up to him.
CHAPTER 7
KANAN
It kills me knowing she’s worried about me. I’ve tried to keep my distance from her since that kiss. I kept tabs on her, but I did it from a distance because I didn’t trust myself being near her. I had fought the attraction I had for her, knowing she was off limits, but that kiss tested me.
I had already let Randall down. No one has put it together that I’m the reason he died. But I did, and I live with that knowledge every day. And then I kiss his daughter at his funeral. I’m probably the worst kind of human.