Total pages in book: 71
Estimated words: 65856 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 329(@200wpm)___ 263(@250wpm)___ 220(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 65856 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 329(@200wpm)___ 263(@250wpm)___ 220(@300wpm)
Huli closed his eyes and swallowed against the lump that had formed in his throat. Xiao Dan always had such kind, supportive words for him. He didn’t deserve this human’s sweet devotion.
“But with five tails, I should be able to shift into a human.”
“What?” Xiao Dan stiffened at his words. Huli pulled away so he could sit in the snow and see his expression.
His Zhang-ge looked like a young god, with the snow glistening in the moonlight. His long dark hair tumbled over his shoulders and Huli ached for fingers so he could at last touch it.
“You want to be human? Can huli jing really do that? You mentioned it once years ago, but I thought…I didn’t believe you to be serious.”
“Of course we can do it! There are all kinds of stories about huli jing taking human form.”
“Yes, but in most of those stories, the huli jing do that to trick unsuspecting humans and hurt them.”
Huli pouted, flicking some snow with one tail. “We can shift for other reasons.”
“What would be your reason? Do you plan to trick me?” There was a playful note in Xiao Dan’s voice, but to Huli, this was serious business.
“I want to be human, so you’ll love me.”
Xiao Dan blinked, and his lips parted, but no sound came out. Huli continued to meet his blank stare, fighting the urge to fidget under his continued silence. This was not going as well as he might have hoped.
The vampire blinked two more times before he spoke. “But I already love you.”
A dismissive noise erupted from Huli’s throat, and he flopped down on his stomach, his ears flattened in his irritation. “As a pet. I don’t want to be loved as a pet or some silly amusement.”
“Huli, you are my greatest and closest friend.”
Xiao Dan’s softly spoken words made Huli’s heart skip. His ears perked up as he gazed at Xiao Dan out of the corner of his eye to find his sweet Zhang-ge smiling at him.
“What about Chen?”
“I am close friends with Chen. He is also my shidi.1 Yet, since our shifu’s death, he has looked to me for strength and relies on me for answers when the clan is feeling lost. Because of that, I don’t feel like I can share my fears and doubts with him. I don’t wish to burden him and shake his confidence in me.”
Huli’s head lifted. “But you can with me.”
“I can. With you, I feel like I can be my truest self. I’m not afraid or worried about how you’ll judge me. There’s no fear of disappointing you.”
The fox rolled onto his back while resting his head in Xiao Dan’s lap. “Because Gege will never let me down. Zhang Xiao Dan is perfect in every way.”
“Not even close, but I love your confidence in me,” Xiao Dan said with a chuckle. He tapped a finger on the tip of Huli’s nose.
“I want you to love me the way two humans love each other. I want to kiss you.”
“Oh…” Xiao Dan exhaled heavily. “Huli, that’s…complicated.”
“Why? I just need to be a human that you find attractive. Tell Huli what kind of human you find appealing, and that’s what I will be.”
A choking noise broke from Xiao Dan’s throat, and he gasped for air. “Huli, I can’t tell you something like that. Your appearance should be what you choose and what makes you happy.”
Huli thought about it for a second and shook his head. “Nah. My human outside is only for Zhang-ge. The inside is for Huli. That I will never change because you already love my inside.”
“That’s true,” Xiao Dan said, even as he pressed his fingers into his forehead and rubbed. “It’s that things like attraction, physical love, and even romantic love are complicated.”
Huli popped up. “Yes, that! I want all of that with you. And we can have it once I figure out how to turn into a human.”
“Sometimes, the human heart doesn’t work that way.”
“Why?”
Xiao Dan’s sigh was long and loud. “Honestly, I don’t know. I don’t know why some people are attracted to each other and some are not. Maybe love and attraction are nothing more than a type of fickle magic that I have no hope of mastering. I worry that I might not be able to love you like you want me to, and I will lose my greatest friend.”
“No, that is not possible,” Huli declared. “I will always be Xiao Dan’s friend.”
Of course, Huli also believed that Xiao Dan was worrying too much. Since he loved Huli as a friend, it would be only natural for Xiao Dan to fall in love with him as a human. The vampire was overthinking things. A bad human habit.
They sat in comfortable silence for several minutes. Huli replayed in his head all the steps and tricks he’d used to turn into a human, while trying to think of new options. Was this something he could do piece by piece in the beginning? A hand. A foot. A nose. Or did he have to know what his human form looked like from top to bottom so he could change all of him at once?