Total pages in book: 30
Estimated words: 27599 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 138(@200wpm)___ 110(@250wpm)___ 92(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 27599 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 138(@200wpm)___ 110(@250wpm)___ 92(@300wpm)
When we were in her office, I sat on her couch, too tense to get comfortable. “Am I a bad person for choosing to give my baby up for adoption?” I blurted.
She shook her head, not seeming surprised by my outburst. “No, Montana. In fact, choosing adoption for your baby is a brave decision and not one made easily. I’m very proud of you for choosing this. You’re not forcing yourself to suffer, and you won’t be making your baby suffer either as you try to navigate your own mental health struggles.”
Tears ran down my cheeks. I knew Blaze, Jonah, and my brother had all been saying the same things, but to hear it from a professional, it helped. And it eased my fears a little.
“I signed paperwork yesterday,” I told her quietly.
She handed me a box of tissues. I took it and pulled a tissue out, using it to blow my nose. She didn’t look the slightest bit disgusted, not that I’d have cared anyway.
“What made you come to this decision?” she asked me.
“Writing in that journal you gave me,” I confessed. “It made me realize that I can love this baby without being its caretaker.”
“And have you decided if you’re doing an open or closed adoption?”
I nodded, drawing in a deep breath. “I want to do an open adoption,” I said quietly. “I want to still be part of its life, and I want it to know who I am. And hopefully, one day, this baby will understand the choices I had to make and know they weren’t easy for me.”
She smiled at me. “You’re making so much progress, Montana,” she told me, her eyes shining with warmth and honesty. “You’re an incredible woman, and I want you to know I’m very proud of you. You’re going to continue doing better, and this baby will thrive because of it.”
I burst into tears again because those words—those words were the ones I needed to hear.
This baby would survive because I wouldn’t be selfish like my mother had been.
I was going to be better.
I was ending the generational trauma here.
18
Montana
My phone rang on the coffee table in front of me. Frowning, I reached forward and grabbed it, expecting it to be one of the guys or my brother, but it wasn’t any of them.
It was the adoption agency.
I swallowed thickly and slowly swiped my thumb across the screen to answer the call before pulling the phone to my ear. “Hello?” I tentatively asked.
“Hi, Montana?” I made a sound of acknowledgment, my heart racing in my chest. “I think we’ve found a potential family for you,” the woman on the other end of the line announced.
Blaze stepped into the living room. He’d taken the day off to be with me—well, not really off. He just didn’t go into work. He’d been in his home office most of the day.
Blaze arched an eyebrow at me. I licked my lips and forced my mouth to form words. “I, um, that’s great,” I said, wishing I could sound more enthusiastic. I was terrified. What if I was sending my baby to parents who would be worse than me?
“When do you think you can come in?” she asked. “They’d like to meet with you right away, if possible.”
My hand trembled. “Um, give me a moment.”
“Sure thing, hun.”
I put the phone on mute. Blaze was already in front of me, and when I looked up at him, he crouched, his hands resting on my thighs. “Talk to me,” he ordered, his thumb brushing the scar on my thigh, grounding me.
“They found a potential family already,” I whispered.
He gripped my chin. “I want you to take a deep breath and let her know you’re good to meet this afternoon if it works with the potential parents. I’ll get in touch with Jonah.”
I sucked in a deep breath just like he’d instructed, and when my racing heart had calmed some, I unmuted the call and pulled my phone up to my ear. “Are they available to meet this afternoon?” I asked.
“They are! Does three fifteen this afternoon work for you?” she asked.
I nodded but then remembered she couldn’t see me. “Um, yes. That’s fine.”
“Awesome! We’ll see you then, Montana.”
I hung up the call, and a couple of minutes later, my phone rang again, Jonah’s name on the screen this time. With shaking fingers, a part of me still fearing he hated me for making this decision, I answered the call.
“Jonah?” I asked quietly.
“You okay?” he asked. “Blaze said you started panicking a bit when the agency called you.”
I blew out a soft breath, his kind, gentle words soothing me. “I think so,” I told him. It was the best answer I could give him. “Are you coming with us?”
“Wouldn’t miss this for the world, baby girl. I’m walking out to my car now. John said hi, and he loves you, by the way. He offered to be there with you if you need him to be.”