Total pages in book: 132
Estimated words: 125465 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 627(@200wpm)___ 502(@250wpm)___ 418(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 125465 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 627(@200wpm)___ 502(@250wpm)___ 418(@300wpm)
Every word takes effort. Every last one. “You and I both know there was no life for me at Corium or with your family after what I did.”
Anguish contorts her face. She looks visibly pained by my statement, and I wish it wasn’t true, but it is.
“That’s just it. Why did you do it? All this time, I didn’t want to believe it—”
My jaw aches, and a pain begins to form at the back of my head. “I don’t want to talk about this.”
“Really? Because I do. How am I supposed to live here in this cabin with you when there’s so much you won’t tell me? Why didn’t you at least send me a message so I would know you were alive? I have been so scared for you all this time. Worried you might be dead. Don’t you know there’s nothing you could do that I wouldn’t forgive?”
Just as my heart swells, my teeth grind in resentment. This is what she does to me. This is how she tugs at me until I’m afraid I’ll split in half. How can I maintain my loyalty to River and our cause while maintaining my loyalty to her, to my heart, and to every dream she’s ever inspired?
“I had business to take care of.” I settle for responding, pushing my chair back from the table, and taking the unfinished half of my meal to the counter. It’s easier when I’m not looking at her to keep the wall between us, so I keep my back to her, staring at the wall over the sink.
“Business?” she asks, full of doubt. “What kind of business?”
I’m tired of walls. Tired of lies. Tired of holding myself back from the one sweet, good, perfect thing in my life.
That’s why, rather than whirling on her and demanding she shut her fucking mouth, I ask, “Do you remember hearing the name Safe Haven?”
It’s the first time I’ve muttered those two words to anyone but River in as long as I can remember. Since the old days, I suppose, immediately after everything that happened.
Speaking them aloud opens a door I hoped she would never need to step through. I didn’t want to expose her to this. The ugliness, the darkness. She deserves so much better than to be dragged into my fucked-up past.
On the other hand, if we’re ever going to have a future, she needs to know. I can’t hide it from her, especially not when River is hell-bent on bringing this war to a bloody conclusion. There won’t be any secret keeping with blood on my hands. It’s better to explain things now.
It will save time later. She’ll have the opportunity to think things over and see how right this is because she has no other option. She either follows me in the fight, or I carry her screaming into it. I’d rather do the first, but one way or another, there is no escaping our future.
I turn in time to watch her thick lashes flutter at the mention of the name, worry lines appearing over the bridge of her nose the way they always do when she concentrates.
“I feel like I’ve heard the name before, yeah.”
“But do you remember hearing about what went down there?”
The lines get deeper, her brows bunching together. “I don’t think so. I’m pretty sure I only heard about it briefly. You know how it is. Women don’t really have a say in the affairs of the family.”
“Sure, I can see why you wouldn’t have heard much. Knowing your father, he would have wanted to protect you from it all.”
“So what is it? What is Safe Haven?”
“Was,” I correct. “It doesn’t exist anymore. It’s where Luna and I spent the earliest years of our lives. It’s where we were found before we met Sophie and Roman.”
Her soft snort of disbelief speaks volumes. We’re in the same house, in the same room, yet we may as well be worlds apart. “Since when do you call them by their first names? Whatever happened to Mom and Dad?”
“Of course, they’re still my parents,” I’m quick to confirm. “But for the purposes of filling you in on the past, they’re Roman and Sophie. They’re my current life.”
“Okay...” She bites her lip, features still pinched, but lets me continue.
“Safe Haven was my past life. It’s the place where my birth parents died.”
She winces, her eyes roaming over my face, searching for signs of pain. I know that expression. I’ve seen it too many times to mistake it for anything but pity and sadness.
“Are you sure you want to talk about this?” she whispers.
Perversely, it’s the concern in her question that makes me lash out before quickly reeling myself in. “Yes, dammit. I wouldn’t have brought it up if I didn’t. I’m trying to give you the answers you say you want.”