Total pages in book: 103
Estimated words: 100713 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 504(@200wpm)___ 403(@250wpm)___ 336(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 100713 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 504(@200wpm)___ 403(@250wpm)___ 336(@300wpm)
It tore my heart in two that we’d been reduced to this painful, awkward silence when all I wanted to do was hold her. “You look really beautiful,” I said quietly. “I’m sorry I didn’t say so before.”
“Thank you.” She lifted her head, but her expression was carefully blank. Her green eyes were dull as the creek on a cloudy day.
“Maddie, I hate this.”
“Hate what?”
“This silence between us.”
Her eyebrows rose. “Do you have something new to say?”
I fought for the words trapped inside me. “I—I missed you last night.”
Her lower lip trembled, but she said nothing.
“You didn’t miss me?”
“Does it matter?”
“Yes, it matters.”
“For what it’s worth, yes. I did miss you.” Her eyes filled with tears. “I’ll probably miss you for the rest of my life.”
Unable to stop myself, I cradled her face in my hands just like I had at eighteen, rubbed my thumb over her quivering lips. “I don’t want to lose you.”
She pushed my hands down and took a step back. “I can’t do this, Beckett. I need to be more careful with my heart. I give it away too easily—I give everything away too easily.”
With that, she swept past me, leaving me to agonize over the lingering scent of her perfume and the memories it evoked of her skin next to mine. Was that memory all I had left?
A moment later, Bianca poked her head in. “The girls are heading downstairs now. I think you should probably go find the guys.”
“Okay.” I exhaled heavily. “I should check on my dad first.”
“Maddie said to tell you she would find your dad and sit down with him.”
Of course she did. My chest caved a little more.
“Hey.” Bianca came all the way into the bathroom and faced me, smoothing my lapels, straightening my tie, brushing dust off one shoulder. “You okay, pal?”
“No.” It felt like the first honest word I’d spoken all day, and it loosened something inside me.
“I can tell.” She met my eyes. “I’m here if you’d like to talk. I’m a good listener. And it’s not easy to figure out how to be with someone. I get that.”
“Thanks.”
She tucked her hand in my elbow. “Shall we go down?”
“Sure.” We walked through the bedroom into the hall. Halfway down the steps, I stopped. “It’s not that I don’t want to be with her.”
“I know.”
“Because I do.”
“I believe you. But she needs to hear that.”
“I think I’m in love with her,” I blurted. My heart was pounding hard enough to make me wonder if I might be in cardiac arrest. “I think I’ve always been in love with her.”
She squeezed my arm.
“But I think about the future, you know? What if I end up like my dad, eighty-one and wandering around trying to catch a train that’s never going to come? Will she still want me then? Will she look at me the same way? Will she think it’s what she signed up for?” It was like the dam had burst and all my thoughts were gushing over the spillway.
“Oh, Beckett,” she said. “Of course she will. That’s what love is.”
“But how do you know it lasts?” I asked. “Love isn’t always enough to make someone stay. Where’s the proof that people stick around? That they’ll be there for you forever?”
“Hey! There you are!” At the foot of the steps, Moretti stood looking up at us a little frantically. “Come on, Weaver, we have to get moving.”
“I’m coming.” I finished escorting Bianca down the stairs, and when we reached the bottom, I kissed her cheek. “Thanks for listening. Sorry I just unloaded all that on you.”
“I didn’t mind. Did it help?” she asked hopefully.
“Maybe.” I wanted to say yes, but something in me refused to give in. Maybe it worked for other people because they were wired differently, or they had different experiences. Maybe I was defective.
Or maybe I was smarter than all of them.
“Come on.” Moretti grabbed my sleeve and pulled me out the front door. I followed him around to one side of the house where Cole and Griffin were standing in the shade.
“Oh good, you found him.” Cole looked relieved.
“Sorry.” Feeling guilty for wallowing in my own bullshit on Cole’s wedding day, I clapped him on the back. After what he’d been through, no one deserved this day more than he did. “I’ll stop being an asshole now. I’m here for you.”
“Good.” Cole looked at us all. “I wouldn’t be able to do this if a single one of you wasn’t here.”
“Sure you would.” Griffin threw an arm over his shoulders. “But we wouldn’t have let you.”
“Seriously, you guys. At the risk of getting sappy, I need to say thanks for being there for me. After I lost Trisha, I wasn’t sure how I was going to survive as a single dad. And I certainly never thought I’d be in a place where I’d be this happy again. But knowing you always had my back made a huge difference. You never let me get so down I couldn’t see my way out.”