Total pages in book: 136
Estimated words: 137131 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 686(@200wpm)___ 549(@250wpm)___ 457(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 137131 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 686(@200wpm)___ 549(@250wpm)___ 457(@300wpm)
“It’s a big house. You almost need a map.” That’s all she says.
When she glances at me, her smile looks strained, like she’s struggling to keep it in place. It doesn’t quite reach her eyes.
That’s the first hint I’ve fucked up royally.
When she doesn’t look at me again, I know beyond all doubt.
17
BEE-FORE YOU GO (WINNIE)
We’re not dating and we will never be anything more.
Archer’s ‘never’ echoes in my head for the rest of the visit.
When his mother asks if I want dessert—one of Juniper Rory’s famous creations—I remember the way he told her nothing would ever happen between us.
Now I know what it feels like to get shot and have shrapnel lodged deep in your flesh.
When we retire to the living room with coffee after dinner—because that’s what rich people do—I replay his words.
Never.
Never.
Never anything more.
Okay, fine.
It’s not like I ever thought we were truly dating, even if he acted like we were most of the time. Holding my hand. Who even does that with fuck-buddies?
He’s old, though. I’m not sure he knows how casual things get with younger people these days.
I even told him to his face I would play down the suggestion we were dating to his mom, and he agreed.
So, it shouldn’t bother me.
It shouldn’t be such a big, nasty surprise.
I have no claim on him and I never pretended I did.
But he sounded so intense when he vowed I’m just his latest charity case.
Like there was never a chance it could ever be more.
Like the notion of just being with someone like me is ridiculous.
I try to stop obsessing over it and just enjoy the moment, the easy conversation with Delly as they laugh about Colt.
Only, the second we leave and get in the car back to his house—which I’m still living in—I’m stuck on that single killing word.
Never.
It’s so flipping grim.
Not just ‘probably not,’ or ‘I don’t think so’ or ‘don’t be silly.’
Never is a killshot.
Never means never.
I’m grateful for everything he’s done for me. And just because we’re having amazing sex doesn’t mean we’re soulmates destined to ride off into the sunset with Just Married painted on the car.
Logically, it’s cool, and I’ve been telling myself that ever since I overheard him.
So why does it flay me open everywhere?
Why does it make me tear up like I’m back in that stuffy dressing room before I fled Holden and the wedding from hell?
When I came back to the kitchen and heard him growling about how impossible we are, it felt like someone threw me on a bed of broken glass.
Maybe because I’ve heard it all before.
My allergy to ‘never’ didn’t originate with Archer, no. How many times have other people used that word like a weapon?
Dad used to bellow it every time I tried to step out of line.
You’ll never make it on your own.
You’ll never make a living as a beekeeper!
Never think about leaving DC again. Your life is here, Wynne.
Don’t tell me you want to break things off with Holden. You’ll never find someone like him again. He’s your future, the glue between our families, and you’re being ridiculous.
Our families.
Not me.
Never me.
And there’s that ‘never’ again, digging deeper every time with sharp, gnawing teeth.
We get back to Archer’s place after nine, just as the sun sinks below the horizon.
“Want to do anything else this evening? A movie?” he suggests as he pulls into the garage.
“Thanks, but I think I overate.” I put a hand on my stomach and force a dead laugh. “Your mom really took Juniper’s baking advice to heart, huh?”
“She cooks for ten people when it’s only three.” His laugh sounds a lot more genuine than mine. “Are you just wanting to head upstairs, then?”
“If that’s okay.”
He gives me a strange look.
“Of course.”
Great, now I’m being weird.
But the longer I’m with him, the harder it is to pretend everything’s fine and dandy.
I just need space.
Time to process the unchanging fact that this whole arrangement has an expiration date.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I say as we head inside. This time, I don’t kiss him and just head upstairs, leaving him standing in the hall staring after me.
For Colt’s sake, we’ve tried to sleep in different rooms in the early mornings, though of course in reality we’ve been in the same bed most nights.
This time, I head straight to my guest room.
As soon as I’m there, I pull out my phone and call Lyssie.
“Hey, babe. How are you holding up?” she says when she answers, bright and cheerful and everything I’m missing.
My eyes fill with tears I blink away.
“Those silly TikToks of wedding meltdowns you keep sending are definitely helping.”
“Hey, it’s important you see how bad it could’ve been. You got off light.” She laughs to herself. “Anyway, what’s new?”
“Besides running away and ruining my life? How do you know there’s anything else?”