Total pages in book: 151
Estimated words: 139803 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 699(@200wpm)___ 559(@250wpm)___ 466(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 139803 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 699(@200wpm)___ 559(@250wpm)___ 466(@300wpm)
I rubbed the heel of my hand against the center of my chest as my heart squeezed painfully, almost suffocating me. I drew in a deep breath, hoping to calm myself before I began to panic. “I was getting a bath. It was a routine I’d had by then, and it helped so much to have a routine.” I paused for a moment, needing to collect myself before I tried to speak more. “She tried to drown me. I bit her hard enough to break her skin. She was bleeding everywhere. It made her panic. I escaped from the bathroom and locked myself in my room for days. I was terrified to come back out.” I whispered.
“How old were you?” Dr. Gresham asked me.
“Twelve,” I quietly told him.
Dr. Gresham and I both looked up as a nurse came outside. “Dr. Gresham, Miss Fallows has a visitor.”
“Who is it?” Dr. Gresham asked her.
“Axel Johnson,” the nurse told him.
I stared at her in disbelief. Axel had come to visit me? We weren’t even close. I figured he would have run the other way after seeing the real me—the self-destructive woman who didn’t give a shit about her own life or the lives of others.
At least, that’s how it felt at the time.
Dr. Gresham looked at me. “Would you have an issue seeing him?” Dr. Gresham asked me. “It’s okay if you’re not ready.”
Blowing out a harsh breath, I nodded and stood up from the bench. Dr. Gresham walked beside me as we followed the nurse inside. “I know that this is a very big step for you, Meghan, so I want you to take a clonazepam before you speak with him, okay?”
I nodded. “What do I do if I’m done talking?” I asked him.
“You simply let me know,” Dr. Gresham told me. “I will be sitting with you both. Any visitations you have will be supervised until your moods stabilize and until I feel that you have made a good bit of progress. Too much at one time can destroy all progress we’ve made,” he informed me.
We stopped at the nurse’s station, and she quickly located my medications and handed me the orange pill and a small cup of water. I swallowed the medication down and nodded at Dr. Gresham to let him know that I was ready to see Axel.
When we stepped into the visitation room, other families were in the room speaking to the loved ones that were locked inside with me. I ran my eyes over the room, my eyes eventually locking on Axel.
He gave me a warm smile as he stood up from the table, holding out a chair for me. “Thanks,” I whispered as I slowly sat down, clenching my sweater in my hands.
Dr. Gresham held his hand out to Axel. “Dr. Gresham, Meghan’s doctor,” he introduced himself.
“Axel Johnson,” Axel replied as he shook Dr. Gresham’s hand. “Thank you for allowing her to have a visitor.”
The two men sat down. Axel turned to face me, a kind smile on his face, no hint of judgement in his expression. “How have you been?” Axel quietly asked me.
My eyes nervously flickered to Dr. Gresham. “Go on,” Dr. Gresham gently urged. “It’s okay to tell him the truth, Meghan. He wouldn’t be here if he didn’t care.”
I glanced back at Axel. Nothing but kindness and concern lingered in his warm, brown eyes. It was so easy to fall into them.
Tears filled my eyes. “It’s hard.” Axel’s face fell, but there was understanding in his dark eyes. “I hate it here.”
“You’re doing a lot better,” Axel said. “Trust me, I can clearly see the progress you’ve made.”
“She still has a long way to go,” Dr. Gresham informed him. “But you’re right. She has made a lot of progress.”
“Any dancing?” Axel asked me.
My throat closed up as I shook my head. “They won’t let me,” I told him hoarsely, trying to speak past the lump in my throat. “Dr. Gresham feels that I’ve relied on it too much in the past.”
“Have you thought about something else?” Axel asked me. “There’s so many other things to do that could occupy your mind,” he reminded me. He gave me a small smile. “Too pretty of a head to be letting it darken with those thoughts.”
I blushed, and his smile widened. “I know you may not be ready to hear this, but I hope it helps, Meghan,” Axel slowly began. I tensed. “He misses you,” he told me quietly. The tears I’d been holding back immediately began to spill down my cheeks. “He doesn’t blame you, sweet girl. He just wants you to get better.”
I sobbed, folding in on myself. “It doesn’t matter if he does.” I squeezed my arms around my midsection. “I killed our baby. He shouldn’t miss me. He should hate me.”
“No,” Axel urged. “You need to heal, Meghan. None of this was your fault.” He knelt in front of me and gripped my face in his calloused hands, his dark eyes boring into my green ones. “You’re his goddess, Meghan. Never forget that.”